


Across the Hall (discontinued)

by reeria



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Facial Hair, House Party, M/M, Neighbours, Stupid shit, but in a good way, crazy!levi, help I've lost my mind, jean is bullied lol, levi being an absolute weirdo, levi is a squirrel whisperer, male!hange, these tags are lame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-17 00:04:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1366657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeria/pseuds/reeria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has a new neighbor. Eren’s new neighbor might be crazy.</p><p>CRACK AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Across the Hall

**Author's Note:**

> Levi is something else here and to be honest i'm just having fun making him confuse and creep out Eren! yay!
> 
> let me know if you like it and/or want more, also any ideas are welcome, this is just for fun really so go wild my friends.
> 
> as always, please excuse any spelling mistakes, they were not intended i promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we go~

It had been an entire day since Eren’s new neighbor had moved in across the hall and since their arrival there had been no noise, not a single sound, to indicate they were alive and hadn’t just spent the whole time sitting in the middle of their new flat, staring at the walls. Eren desperately wanted to get to know them as it had been close to a year since someone had lived in the flat opposite, and because there was no one else on his floor (the eighth floor wasn’t very popular for some reason) he had grown pretty lonely. Things were nice at first, very quiet, peaceful, but after a few months Eren was ready for someone new, someone entertaining, someone, anyone. He was sick of the silence.

March had just arrived and Eren, fingers laced with paper cuts and palms smelling of old paper, was enjoying his weekend off from work. He had planned to spend as much as he could of his Saturday remaining in his bed and that plan was well underway until a knock at his front door tugged him from his sleep at 9am in the morning. At first the knock was soft, timid, but then the following knock was loud and vicious, could easily have passed for a few swift kicks instead, and Eren, who was so startled, nearly fell out of bed. He fumbled at the lock for a moment, eyes unfocused and blurry from sleep and as he pulled the door open he rubbed at his face, trying his hardest to wake up for the potential emergency that was about to present itself.

“Oh.” Eren wasn’t too sure if that’s exactly what he heard, but it sure sounded like it and as he pulled his hands away from his face he nearly said the same thing. A complete stranger stood before him, a stranger with sharp, black hair, like silk that was so perfectly cut and styled Eren felt ashamed of his bed hair just by looking at it. The man was shorter than Eren, but he suited his size well, and anyway his piercing eyes were enough to distract anyone from his height, and once Eren looked straight into them, he was hooked like a damn fish.

“Hello.” Eren offered and the man’s face remained neutral, in fact he even looked bored.

“I’m your new neighbor. Nice pajamas.” The man spoke monotonously and it caused something to stir deep inside Eren’s stomach. He looked down at his stripy PJ’s before the man’s words settled themselves in his brain and Eren nearly broke his face from smiling so hard, so quickly.

“Oh! Yes, of course, hi! What’s your name?” There was a five second pause before the man spoke.

“My kitchen’s on fire.” Eren’s neighbor blinked slowly, as if those four words were a completely normal thing to say on a Saturday morning.

“Sorry?”

“Don’t apologise idiot, it’s not your fault, it was those damn cookies.”

“What?”

“Do you have a fire extinguisher?” Eren knew he had one under his sink, tucked away among the cleaning products that only came out once in a blue moon. He dived into his kitchen, leaving his new friend at the door, and scrambled in the cupboard, furiously trying to untangle the mini extinguisher from a plastic bag that had somehow wrapped itself around it. Once it was free he sprinted back to the front door and thrust the thing into his neighbors hands.

“Here, use this.” The man looked down and squinted at the object he held and proceeded to not move a muscle. “Dude? Your kitchen?” Eren said but the man still did not move, he wasn’t even blinking, so Eren sighed and grabbed the extinguisher from his hands, pushed past the weirdo in his doorway and jogged over to the endangered flat. Thankfully the door was unlocked and so Eren let himself in and found the kitchen in a matter of seconds, thanks to a tray of burnt food and a tea towel that were on fire on one of the kitchen counters. Honestly, Eren had been expecting it to be a lot worse and a lot more threatening, but he still gasped and his hands still shook with adrenaline. It only took a few seconds to put out the fire but the whole time his heart hammered against his ribcage, drumming in his ears. In the excitement of the situation Eren had failed to notice that the man who’s flat he was currently saving had slipped into the room and was watching everything with a curious stare.

“I can’t believe you have a fire extinguisher.” Eren nearly jumped out his skin because the voice came out of nowhere and he was starting to think his neighbour was a little weird.

“What? Why?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to have one.”

“Well then, why did you ask?” The man gave an uninterested shrug in response and Eren couldn’t help but roll his eyes, this guy didn’t make any sense and it was beginning to get on his nerves.

“My name is Levi.” The man finally said and despite everything Eren realised he liked that name.

“My name is Eren.”

“Well Eren, thanks for saving my kitchen.”

\---

It had been a week since Eren had seen Levi, possibly one of the longest weeks in Eren’s 19 years of life. For some reason he couldn't stop thinking about the crazy guy that lived across the hall and his two best friends, Armin and Mikasa, had started to sigh every time the man’s name slipped through his lips because Eren also couldn’t seem to stop talking about him. He was even beginning to irritate himself, he had hardly spoken to the guy and yet he had completely taken over his mind, like some sort of disease. Eren soon concluded he needed to get out more. It was the next Saturday that he decided to go for a run at 8 in the morning. He thought a nice jog around the local park could do him some good, maybe the fresh air would clear his mind and maybe, hopefully, he would run into a fellow jogger that had the ability to remove all thoughts of his neighbor from his head. After pulling on some grey jogging bottoms and an old black shirt he spent a few minutes warming up before he made his way out of the front door and was about to begin his descent down the stairs when the front door of Levi’s flat swung open, and there, in all his annoying glory, stood the devil himself, in tight black jeans and a white collared shirt. Eren couldn't breathe.

“Oi, wanna come talk to the dead with me?” With furrowed eyebrows, Eren tilted his head in confusion.

“What?” He asked and Levi gave a slow blink and breathed in.

“Do you.” He pointed at Eren. “Want to come.” He then used his thumb to point over his shoulder, back into his flat. “Talk to” Making a telephone shape with his fingers, he mimicked talking on the phone. “The dead with me?” Lastly, he pointed to himself and raised his eyebrows in query. The words “with me” echoed in Eren’s brain over and over, a chorus of persuasion, and so he accepted with a hundred nods of his head.

“Yes, yes I would.”

“Okay cool, get over here.” He felt slightly ashamed for abandoning his run for this but then he supposed there were plenty of other days he could jog, the park wasn't going anywhere, and this situation already sounded too good to miss. “I found an Ouija board in one of the boxes while unpacking.” Levi explained once Eren had followed him into his flat.

“You found one?”

“Yeah, don’t even remember purchasing it, might have been high or drunk when I did.”

“What?” Eren hated how much he seemed to be saying that word recently; he hated feeling so confused and clueless. Levi just shrugged, he seemed to do that a lot too. It was only when Eren tore his eyes away from the back of his neighbor's head that he noticed just how different the flat was from the last time he had been inside it. Obviously Levi had unpacked throughout the week and now the place was full of his belongings but yet still unbelievably clean and organised. There were shelves bursting with books and upon closer inspection Eren realised they had been stacked alphabetically, and the one, black leather sofa Levi owned was drowning in a variety of cushions, which had been positioned flawlessly and perfectly complimented one another in their arrangement. It was a rather surreal experience, to be standing in the centre of the room completely in awe of his surroundings. Levi hadn’t seemed to notice the boy’s stunned amazement, was far too busy scrubbing at the Ouija board he held in his hands. Eren looked in front of the sofa and found not one, but three televisions, all old models, and he was about to ask his neighbor why he needed three TV’S when suddenly a pigeon flew into the room through an open window.  
“Whoa! Fuck!” Eren panicked and dived onto the sofa, kicking cushions up into the air and it was only when he heard Levi shouting something that he began to lift his head up to assess the situation.

“I’ve been sent a pigeon!” Levi yelled and it was bizarre hearing his voice loud and so animated when it was usually so deadpanned and dry. “The pigeon gods are sending me a message!” The pigeon had somehow made its way into the kitchen now and was flying into cupboards, most likely hurting itself in the process. Eren couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor bugger and so he leapt up from the sofa and raced after the animal, determination flooding his fumbling body. Trying to catch a pigeon seemed a lot easier in his head, but in reality it was a ruthless task that took many failed attempts until finally, miraculously, Eren’s long, shaking fingers grasped around the feathery body. Even though the terrified creature flapped its wings in a wild fright, Eren held on tight although still making sure he wasn’t hurting the little guy. Levi guided him towards the window, cooing like a pigeon himself and as soon as Eren had his hands out of the window he released the animal and watched in triumph as it flew away, up into the sky and disappeared altogether.

“You should wash your hands.” Levi’s voice was back to its usual tone and Eren nearly choked on the air in his throat because he sounded so calm despite the craziness that had just taken place.

“Uh, okay.” He stumbled into the kitchen and began to scrub at his hands.

“So, Eren, do you believe in ghosts?” Levi called from the front room and Eren took a moment to consider the question. He’d never really thought about it before but he was a pretty open-minded guy so he decided, sure, why not?

“Sure. Why not?” Just as he turned the tap off the sound of heavy booted footsteps, made him spin around on the spot to find Levi, standing in the doorway, glaring back at him.

“Eren. Ghosts are serious business.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not a matter of ‘why not” it's a matter of life and death, quite literally, do you understand, brat?’ The nickname made Eren laugh, he couldn't help it, no one used the word ‘brat’ anymore but apparently his crazy neighbor did. “What the hell is so funny?”

“You are.”

“I am?”

“Yes. You’re the weirdest neighbor I’ve ever had.” Eren said and Levi remained silent but was still staring back, eyes like two bullets. The two men stared at each other for a full minute, possibly two, until Levi shrugged and out of nowhere, threw a banana at Eren, one that he had been hiding behind his back the entire time.

“Good for you.” Luckily Eren reacted quickly enough and caught the fruit, narrowly avoiding a banana in the eye. By the time he had calmed his breathing Levi was gone from the doorway and had moved back into the living room. As Eren followed after, he snapped the banana open and took a bite.

“So I take it you believe in ghosts then?” Eren spoke through a mouth full of banana; much to Levi’s disgust, Eren couldn’t help but grin as he watched his neighbor close his eyes in repulsion, as if he couldn’t even watch it happen without throwing up.

“Why would you think that? You think I’m one of those crazy types that see dead people and talk to spirits in the walls? Do you think I sit around all day barking at dead dogs? Is that it?” Levi was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the living room carpet, placing the Ouija board down in front of him. Eren stopped chewing and blinked twice.

“What?” There was that word again, Eren slapped at his cheek.

“Nothing. Finish that damn banana and come here.” Eren threw the banana skin into the bin that was tucked away, hiding in the corner of the room and sat down beside Levi, folding his legs one under the other, mimicking the shorter man. His knee brushed against Levi's and he decided he liked it, so remained in place, their kneecaps tingling.

“I’ve never done this before.” There was one time in college when Eren and his ex-flat mate, Jean, had brought home a secondhand Ouija board which was covered in burns and scratches. They had planned to try it out and had decided to watch a few horror films beforehand to get into a sort of 'paranormal mood'. Two horror films later and Eren was scared shitless and Jean had admitted he would rather swim in a pool of bees than try the board out and end up welcoming some awful demon into their flat to ruin their lives. And that had been the last of that.

“It’s easy. Just don’t do anything.” Levi leant back on one of his hands and reached over to the sofa with the other, pulling a wooden planchette out from under some cushions. Carefully, he positioned it down onto the middle of the board and then placed a single finger on top of it. “Now you do the same.” Eren obeyed and placed a finger next to Levi’s and then proceeded to marvel at how different the two’s hands were. Levi had such small, delicate fingers and the veins that worked underneath his pale skin were, for some crazy reason, so beautiful to Eren that he wanted to trace them with his tongue.

“Wake up idiot.” Levi clipped the side of his head with his free hand, not hard enough to hurt, but swift enough to make Eren flinch.

“Sorry. Daydreaming.” Eren pushed all thoughts of Levi’s veins to the back of head and instead began to worry if some of his neighbor’s craziness had rubbed off on him in the short time they had spent together.

“I need your full attention for this or it won’t work, understood?” Eren nodded and Levi seemed satisfied. Clearing his throat and closing his eyes the man greeted the air with a confident “hello”. There was silence and stillness for about half a minute and then Eren watched Levi’s lips as the man continued to talk. “My name is Levi, this is Eren.” Eren nodded in greeting and immediately felt ridiculous. “Any spirits present, please come forward.’ The planchette remained fixed in its place and Eren pushed away the need to move it with his fingers, he didn’t want Levi to get mad at him and he also wanted to see how this played out. “Come on you shitty spirits. Grow some balls and haunt us you bastards.” Eren spluttered in surprise, almost impressed with how Levi could flick between polite and civil to rude and bad-mouthed in a matter of seconds.

“I’m not sure that’ll work Levi.”

"You some kinda ghost expert?"

"No, but-"

"Shut up, I know what I'm doing."

"Sure." Eren grinned and Levi was just about to clip him around the ear again for being a brat when suddenly a long, terrifying wail made the two men freeze in horror. Levi's elevated hand clenched and he smirked with proudness.

"See. It worked." Eren wasn't quite so pleased and instead pulled his knees up to his chest and, after removing his finger from the planchette, wrapped his arms around them, clutching himself with fear.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"It's the ghost. It's the ghost that's been stealing my yogurt."

"Yogurt?"

"Yes, the dead bastard's been eating it while I sleep, I'm sure of it."

"A ghost has been eating your yogurt?"

"Yes, Eren. That's what I said. Put your finger back." Suddenly there was a second wail, shorter than the first, and the sound crept over Eren's flesh and froze his lungs. "Okay, okay, we get it." Levi sighed and waved his hand in the air, dismissing the spirit like it was simply an annoying child.

"This is getting too weird." It was barely a mutter but Levi still heard it, he brought his hand up onto Eren's shoulder and squeezed slightly.

"Nothing is too weird, everything is too boring." The serious expression that Levi wore was unlike his usual one, it was there for a moment and gone the next and Eren soon found himself staring back at the usual bored look on his neighbor's face, and before he could ask what the hell he meant by that the man was back to conversing with the ghost. "Why'd you keep stealing my yogurt, you deceased fuck?" Eren had to stifle back a laugh because this seemed important to Levi, but he found Levi's choice of words incredibly funny, the man was unlike anyone he had ever met. "Why my yogurt? Why not Eren's yogurt?"

"Hey, don't push this problem onto me, and anyway I don't have any yogurt, that stuff is gross." Levi rubbed at his eyes rather roughly, before glaring back at Eren.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"Yogurt is gro-"

"Leeeeeeviiiiiii!" The ghost wailed for the third time, but this time it was undeniable it had cried out directly for the man that now sat wide eyed, breathe held. Uncomfortable silence hung over the room for a minute or so and Eren counted his heartbeats and tried his very hardest not to move a single muscle. They were waiting, for what Eren wasn't sure, but Levi's eyes had not stop flicking around the room as if in search for something, some form of an answer. Finally they settled on Eren and the following stare put him even more on edge, as there were no way of telling what his neighbor was currently thinking or what the hell was going to happen next. "Levi?" For a split second Eren thought he had been the one to say it but after realising his bottom lip had remained caught between his teeth the whole time, he learnt it was the ghost again, who had possibly grown bored of wailing and howling and was now just talking like a normal person. Levi growled and stood up.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you." It was a mumble but because the room was so quiet the words rang in Eren's ears. Thankfully they weren't directed at him and Levi had now began to stalk towards a door near the kitchen which Eren had assumed was some sort of storage room or cleaning cabinet.

"You can't kill someone that's already dead."

"Very poetic, brat, but this ghost is not dead and is actually very much alive. I'd say they were too alive." The next few moments were all a bit of a blur to Eren, Levi pulled the door open with so much power and speed he was surprised the thing didn't fly off it hinges, and then the next moment a brunette girl came tumbling out onto the floor, her glasses flying from her face and landing at Levi's feet, incredibly without smashing. She rolled over onto her back and looked up at the ceiling before erupting into a fit of giggles that quite frankly terrified Eren. Now he was in a flat with two crazy people. After a moment she calmed and Levi had somehow resisted from kicking her while she lay giggling on the floor, and now he waited as she stood up and patted herself down.

"Hello Levi! You didn't tell me you'd made a new friend!" The girl waved at Eren so he waved back.

"Hange, wait here, I'm just going to grab a knife so I can cut your tongue out and shove it up your ass." She grabbed his wrist as he began to walk towards the kitchen and pulled him over to where Eren was standing.

"No, no! Introduce me to the cutie first!"

"How about I introduce you to my knife first."

"Is that an innuendo Levi? I thought you bat for the other..."

"HANGE WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU IN MY CUPBOARD?"

\---

Three days after the Hange incident Eren finally decided it was time to do some food shopping as the only things he had in his fridge were half a watermelon and a bit of butter. Even worse, in his cupboards he only had crackers, which were dry and disgusting and scratched his throat and caused him to cough and heave. Armin had demanded the day before that he buy something, anything, as soon as possible before he got ill or collapsed, or just flat out died.

So Eren found himself in the local supermarket in a pair of old jeans that he'd tugged on in a hurry only to accidentally catch his foot in a small tear in the denim, which created a much bigger one that now revealed his entire knee. Not a good start. Plus, he'd managed to bump into Jean and Marco on the way in, as they were leaving. Their hands had been clasped together and Eren would have thought it cute until Jean thumped him on the shoulder and declared, "you think you're some kinda rock star Eren? is that why your jeans look like that? You here to save rock and roll?" And Marco had chuckled before giving Eren an apologetic look, which, to be honest, hadn't really helped.

The shopping list he had created the night before was clutched in his hand and Eren couldn't help but glare at it, glare at every stupid item that was keeping him in the store longer and longer. It was like hell, there were kids bloody everywhere and everywhere there weren't kids there were elderly people instead, which were possibly just as bad as kids, in Eren's opinion.

By the time he had got through half the list he felt like falling to his knees and crying out in despair. The basket he was holding was stupidly heavy and for some reason he just couldn't seem to find the pot noodles anywhere. Turning the corner he found the aisle dedicated to bread and before he could turn away with a groan a short man desperately trying to reach something on the top shelf caught his eye. From the back the man looked similar, very similar to his crazy neighbor and as Eren slunk closer it soon came apparent that yes, it was Levi trying to reach a pecan pie that had somehow found it's way onto the very top shelf, just out of his reach. Eren was standing very close now, so he placed his basket down and then reached up over Levi and picked up the pie, only to hold it in the air just above his head. It was cruel, but Eren's day had been torturous so far and he knew he deserved a bit of playful banter.

"Ah yes, just what I was looking for." Levi spun around and they were still so close so now all Eren could see was a black moustache along with Levi's murderous stare. "What the fuck is that?" He pointed at the caterpillar above Levi's lip and scrunched his face up in mock disgust, truth be told he thought it suited Levi, but that's because he was desperately crushing on him and would even think Levi suited a mullet.

"What's what, idiot?" Levi had only appeared to be shocked to see Eren behind him for about one second before flicking back to looking bored with life once again.

"That moustache. There's no way you grew that monster in three days. Why the hell are you wearing a fake moustache?" Levi sighed and looked up at the pecan pie Eren still held in the air above his head.

"Do you really want that or are you just being a brat?"

"Just being a brat."

"Thought so, give it here." Eren obeyed and lowered the pie into Levi's open hands and as soon as he got hold of the box Levi was slipping out from under Eren and strolling away, down the aisle. Ignoring the fact that there were about four other people in the aisle with them, Eren called out after his neighbor.

"Hey! Wait! What's with the fake moustache!" Obviously that was the worst question Eren could have asked in this situation because Levi froze, turned around excruciatingly slowly and glared back at him.

"Shut. Your. Mouth." An elderly man picking out hot cross buns turned around and eyed Levi, before tutting and turning back to his buns. In this moment Eren was thinking how odd it was that no matter how many times Levi told him to shut up, or how many times he called him a brat or an idiot, Eren still adored every second they spent in each other's company. Even when they were both stuck in the supermarket from hell, it was the same deal.

"Yes sir." It had slipped out of his mouth and he had supposed to sound sarcastic and condescending but instead it sounded genuine, and Eren watched in horror as Levi raised his eyebrows, shocked but also... Impressed?

"Cute." The single word echoed in his head. Cute? Levi thought he was cute? But he just meant right now, because he had said sir, not just cute in general, right? But surely to find something someone did cute, you'd have to find the person cute to begin with? So, did that mean Levi thought Eren as cute? "Why is your face doing that, brat?" Levi had walked back, closer to Eren again and was watching him intently, like a curious cat.

"I was just thinking..." He paused, decided to be honest, and continued. "I was wondering if you thought I was cute in general, like... If you thought I was cute to look at?" Levi sighed as if he'd just been asked to work overtime.

"And why were you thinking that?"

"I don't know, I guess because... I think you're cute, to look at, and also when you get angry and swear..." Levi's grip around the pecan pie tightened and he took a deep breath. Suddenly the supermarket lights were too bright and Eren dropped his head and stared at the empty ground between the two men.

"Yeah you're cute, kid, but don't let it get to your head." Lungs filled with stones, Eren sighed.

"I'm 20, I think you generally stop being a kid at 12 or 13."

"Well I'm 35, you're practically a baby to me." For a moment, Eren was shocked over Levi's age, he had guessed the man older than himself but around late 20s at the most. Then realised Levi had just called him 'baby' and totally not in the good way, so he skilfully snatched the pecan pie away from the man's hands and hoisted it up into the air again, so it was completely out of reach for Levi.

"Could a baby do this?" The smirk seemed to push the older man over the age because he suddenly flicked from annoyed to down right maniacal, but Eren held his ground, wearing determination well. Just at that moment a high, amused but bossy voice spoke and caught both of the attentions.

"Stop flirting, me and mummy are trying to shop here!" The young girl cocked her head to the side, crossed her arms and pouted. Neither Eren nor Levi moved, only continued to stare at the little girl. When she realised the two boys weren't going to respond or move, she sighed and let her hands fall to her sides, before then walking over to the basket that Eren had abandoned and completely forgotten about and kicked it, not hard enough to send things flying out but hard enough to shift it closer to Eren. "Move or I'll kick you too." With a nod Eren grabbed the basket up making him grunt, he had forgotten how horribly heavy the thing had grown. He turned back to Levi, who was also back to watching him, eyebrows drawn together in concentration, and he placed the pecan pie back into the older man's hands and pressed his lips together into a small, forced smile. Before making his way down the aisle he nodded at the little girl and apologised, for what he wasn't too sure exactly, but she shrugged and smiled in response so he knew he'd done the correct thing. He was at the end of the aisle now, he'd left Levi behind with his beloved pecan pie even though they hadn't finished flirting or whatever they had been doing, but he'd decided it was finally time to get out of this hellhole before it swallowed him up completely. The rest of his shopping list could wait for another day.

The lines at the counters were disgusting, Eren actually grimaced when he first caught sight of them, he had half a mind to ditch the basket and just leave the store, maybe come back in the middle of the night when the place was empty, it was open 24 hours so it was possible.

"Oi shit stain, a new counter just opened up over there, be quick and grab it before anyone else notices." Eren hadn't even realised that Levi was standing beside him and then suddenly he was being pushed towards the empty counter, where a smiling young check boy nodded to him and began to scan Eren's items through, and even started to bag them up too. God that was lucky, Eren wanted to thank Levi with all his life, he wanted to grab the man and kiss his face off, fake moustache and all, because when he had been totally oblivious Levi had been observant and now, as a result, Eren wasn't feeling as homicidal. Levi had placed his pecan pie on the conveyer belt behind Eren's own items and was now drumming his fingers on the metal side, staring off into space. Eren licked his lips and took the chance. Leaning down, he planted a hard, swift kiss onto Levi's cheek, the noisy kind that made a wet sound as he pulled away. Levi blinked once and then swiped at his cheek with his sleeve, before bringing his eyes up to meet Eren's. The younger man held his breathe until finally, finally, Levi spoke.

"I should cut your lips off." Suddenly there was a clearing of the throat and Eren turned to see that the blushing check out boy was waiting for him to pay, having already scanned and bagged the entire basket.

"That will be £34.50" Eren nodded, yes of course, he had to pay for things because this was reality and not a fairy tale where he could kiss guys in supermarkets without a care in the world. He paid by card, grabbed up the bags and thought about waiting for Levi, even turned to look at the guy, but he only shooed him away in response, so Eren made a quick exit and speed walked his way home.

Eren dreamt of kissing caterpillars that night, caterpillars with piercing, grey eyes and lips that tasted of pecan pie. He woke up three times and then it was morning.

\---

At 10am a note was pushed under Eren's front door and it simply read "so I found out I've been sleep walking and eating yogurt during the night." There was no name, but Eren knew exactly who it was from and spent the next ten minutes laughing over the image of Levi, asleep, with yogurt dripping from his lips as he clumsily tried to eat in the light of his fridge.

Three hours later, Eren was curled up on his sofa, hugging a pillow and watching the Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope start up menu when he realised he actually missed the company of Levi and so, after pulling on some jeans and a shirt, he walked across the hall and knocked on the man's door. He had been half expecting the guy to be out, maybe setting fire to trashcans somewhere, and was pleasantly surprised when instead the door was pulled open and Levi was standing on the other side. The pleasant surprise soon turned into confusion and downright disgust because Levi had swapped yesterday's moustache for a full on beard and Eren dropped to his knees in laughter. Levi just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, okay laugh all you want you shitty ass, but real men have beards, so guess I'm winning." Eren brushed away the tears from his eyes.

"And you're a real man Levi?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Okay but, I don't think it works with fake beards, or with midgets, also that thing doesn't even match your hair colour."

"A ginger beard is better than no beard."

"If you're sure." Eren sighed and pulled himself up, with no help from Levi.

"Did you just come over to laugh on my doormat or do you actually need something?" Eren leant against the door frame, hoping he looked cool while Levi began to stroke his beard like it was cat attached to his face and Eren couldn't help it, couldn't stop his hands or think about what he was doing before he reached out to feel the hair under his fingertips.

"Gross. It feels real." Eren said and Levi slapped his hand away with a click of his tongue.

"You don't get to make fun of it and then touch it. You have to earn the privilege to touch it." Eren didn't mention how Levi could see he had been reaching out to touch it and could easily have stopped him before he actually had, but he liked the idea of Levi secretly wanting him to touch it too much and instead gave a shrug of his shoulders.

"Fair enough. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to watch Star Wars was me?"

"Which one?"

"A New Hope."

"Sure, let me just get changed into something comfier." Eren waited while Levi disappeared around the corner to change into some looser fitting jeans and a black hoodie. When he came back he was still wearing the beard, but it was now tucked in under the hoodie and Levi sighed in annoyance.

"This thing requires more effort than I thought it would."

"Dude just take it off."

"What? You don't think it suits me? Hange thinks it does."

"Hange? The weirdo you found pretending to be a ghost in your closet?"

"Yeah you're right, I don't know why I listen to him when it comes to fashion, he insists on wearing those nerdy ass glasses even though his eyesight is fine, he just thinks they make him look smart."

They were walking across the hall to Eren's apartment, when Eren stopped suddenly and tugged on Levi's arm.

"Wait, Hange's a dude?" Levi just looked at him in disbelief, like Eren had just asked him where babies come from. "I thought- the pony tail, her-his figure- his eyes?"

"Trust me. He's a guy. I know all too well." The next thing Eren knew he was imaging Levi and Hange having crazy gay sex and that was even more confusing.

"What? You two hooked up or something?"

"God no, he fucking wishes. No, he just tends to get naked a lot, he's earthly like that. Like, for example, he doesn't wash his hair because he doesn't want to kill any bugs that might be living in it. He's disgusting really, I don't know why I hang out with him." Eren pushed open his front door and let Levi walk in first. They both walked over to the sofa and flopped down, bumping into each other slightly before getting into better positions, backs against the armrests, feet up and resting in the middle, toes as close as possible without touching.

"I can't believe Hange has a dick." Eren muttered as he patted the sofa down, trying to locate where he had thrown the remote control earlier. Levi found it before him and handed it over.

"Why are you thinking about his dick?"

"I'm not! Well, now I am, but I just meant-"

"God, you are so gay." Eren nearly got whiplash because he lifted his head up so fast but Levi was just simply watching the film as it started to play on screen.

"Are you- how did-"

"Oh, please, Eren, I could tell the moment I saw you. You were born to suck dick." Blood turned to ice and Eren clamped his mouth shut, teeth pressed tightly together to prevent from screaming, laughing, crying, cheering or whatever the hell was bubbling up in his throat. Who the fuck was this guy?


	2. Up the Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren throws Levi a housewarming party and some stuff happens before it and during it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO STUPID i'm sorry, this chapter is mostly me babbling on and oh my god this chapter is so long i did NOT MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN but here it is, please enjoy if you can :)
> 
> also there are probably loads of spelling mistakes and stuff like that but please ignore them i did not mean for them to happen.  
> (oh and no smut yet but it's on it's way i promise...)
> 
> some important things beforehand!
> 
> eren's costume: http://static.tumblr.com/wobrt97/cw7n3mwvk/mens_costumes_puppy_dog_mascot_costume.jpg
> 
> levi's: http://static.tumblr.com/wobrt97/OkAn3mwwg/screen_shot_2014-04-06_at_9.13.54_pm.png
> 
> jean's: http://static.tumblr.com/wobrt97/s3In3mwxz/103183842-260x260-0-0_wilton_adult_seahorse_halloween_costume.jpg

"The last time I watched this film was four years ago, when I still had my nose pierced."

"Dude, you had a nose piercing?"

"Yeah, for awhile, but I got rid of it because it tickled." Levi absentmindedly scratched at his nose as he spoke and Eren licked his salty lips. It was always a blessing when two people agreed on what flavor popcorn was best, fortunately Levi preferred salt to sweet and Eren had celebrated this discovery with an overflowing bowl of popcorn.

"Are you telling me you have a ticklish nose?"

"No, I'm telling you a nose piercing tickled my nose."

"So this won't tickle?" Eren pushed himself forward, one hand placed between Levi's legs and the other reaching up to gently, softly trace a tiny circle on the side of Levi's nose, right where a piercing would sit. The older man tensed his entire body for a split second before pushing his face into the side of the sofa, his nose buried deep in the cushion, away from Eren's tingling fingers. There was a mumble of words, Eren only understood 'brat' and then Levi was facing him again, a light blush painted on his cheeks. Eren didn't move away and only watched as Levi studied his face, moving from his eyes to his lips to his nose, his eyebrows, his cheekbones and then back to his lips and his eyes again. It was incredible how natural this all felt. Eren was able to sit so close and neither of them felt awkward or uncomfortable, Levi wasn't backing away, Eren wasn't apologising countless times, it just felt right.

"You have a stupid face, Eren." Levi finally spoke and his voice was close to a whisper.

"That's not very nice."

"I'm not a nice person."

"Liar." Levi smirked and Eren sunk backwards into his seat, peering to the side to catch a bit of the film, they had missed the beginning of it, far too wrapped up in their own little world and now it was too late, the film would play on but neither of the two were really watching or even pretending to. Eren cleared his throat and tried to keep up the conversation, "So what happened with Hanji?"

"Hanji?"

"Yeah, after you found her-him in your cupboard? Remember? You kicked me out so you could deal with him?"

"I kicked you out?"

"Yeah, kinda, but it's cool, I understand why. So, what did you do to him?" Levi furrowed his eyebrows, thinking for a moment before pulling on a flawless poker face.

"I shaved off one of his eyebrows."

"What?"

"Honestly, I think I let him off far too easy. I always do."

"So now Hanji is just walking around with only one eyebrow?" He imagined what he would look like if Levi were to shave off one of his eyebrows and unsurprisingly it didn't suit him and only made the imaginary people laugh at him as he walked down the imaginary street.

"I would assume so, unless he draws it in."

"Wow." Silence fell over the room and Eren gnawed at his lip in contemplation, now that Levi was here in his living room he didn't want to do much else but talk to him, he didn't want to watch Star Wars, he'd seen it hundreds of times, he just wanted to hear Levi's voice. He wanted to hear Levi talk about anything and everything, and considering the man seemed rather talkative today, it appeared to be a possibility. Eren imagined how Mikasa and Armin would react to meeting him, or Jean and Marco, he imagined their confused, apprehensive faces carefully watching the older man, he imagined that Levi would say or do something weird and then Mikasa would be threatening to call the police or Armin would start blabbering about his comic book collection to try and break the tension, Jean would probably start laughing like some sort of ignorant horse-faced hyena and Marco would probably choke on his drink and die. Eren decided his friends had to meet Levi as it could quite possibly turn out to be the funniest moment of his life.

"Oi, shit-sipper, what the hell are you giggling about?"

"Levi! Let me throw a late housewarming party for you!"

"Why the fuck would I let you do that?"

"It'll be fun and you can meet my friends!" Levi sighed and rubbed at his eyes until they were red.

"I don't want to meet your friends and I don't want my flat to get trashed."

"I'll help clean if it gets messy! I'll tell my friends to be careful! Levi, please, my friends are cool" It didn't sound the least bit convincing, even to Eren and Levi just stared back at him in silence, he didn't even need to speak Eren knew what he thinking purely by staring into his cold eyes. "I promise."

"I haven't been to a house party in years." The words were quiet and timid, almost like the sentence had supposed to remain in his head but had been accidently spoken aloud.

"All the more reason to throw one."

"I'll allow it only if I can choose the theme."

"Levi, I don't think housewarming parties usually have themes-"

"I want an animal theme."

"An animal theme?"

"I'll go as a cat." Eren suddenly couldn't speak or breathe or see or live, the idea of Levi in a cat costume was just too overpowering, he was having a religious experience, wishes really did come true if you jerked off hard enough. "And you can go as a dog." Levi was pointing at him now and there was a slight smile playing at his lips, Eren found himself nodding, still unable to speak, and he could only think about how a cat costume and a dog costume were almost... matching? Had that been the intent or was Eren just looking into it too much? Finally Eren's voice came back and his throat was no longer as dry as the Sahara desert and he couldn't stop the question from rolling out like tumbleweed caught in a gust.

"Why should I go as a dog?" Levi's smile grew by a centimeter.

"Cause you're a little bitch."

 ---

They decided to throw it the next weekend so everyone had time to find or create a costume. Like the gentlemen he rarely was, Levi offered to find and buy Eren's costume himself, as he had been the one to allocate Eren with the job of becoming a dog. He also, secretly, wanted to make sure it was an extra cute, extra embarrassing costume that maybe, not on purpose, matched his own cat costume, but Eren didn’t know this.

Alone in his bedroom Eren contacted the friends he’d invited and ordered them all to come in fancy dress because it was very important and if they didn't they would be sent home sober, which was something none of them wanted. The fancy dress wasn’t an option they could just blow off, and they couldn't half-ass their costumes, this was serious and had to be done right.

"Just don't come as a cat, or a dog." Eren did two whole turns on his swivel chair before firmly planting his feet on the floor, bringing himself to a sudden stop. He liked the feeling it created in his stomach; it reminded him of fairground rides and roller coasters.

"Any reason why?" Jean asked on the other end, sounding not the least bit interested. Eren never understood why jean would ask questions when he clearly didn't care and then proceed to voice the fact that he didn't care. Maybe he did it just to piss Eren off.

"Because my neighbor is coming as a cat and apparently I'm coming as a dog. Anyway it shouldn't be a problem for you; you’ll be coming as a horse surely? It's an obvious choice." Eren was never ever going to let this joke die, ever. It worked much too well and Jean always found it so deliciously irritating.

"I swear to god Eren, I only live ten minutes away, don't make me come over and kick your ass."

"Ew jean, kiss my ass? You want to kiss my ass? But poop comes from there." Jean practically growled, which only made Eren grin harder.

"Right that's it, I'm coming over and I'm wearing Marco's doc martins."

"Put some lip balm on first, I don't want your dry, dusty lips anywhere near my behind." Eren was met with a dead line, obviously jean had hung up in fury and was possibly making his way over, unless it was just an empty threat, which it usually was. Jean never really got genuinely angry over Eren’s teases; deep down he knew he wasn’t being serious. Scrolling through his phone, he double-checked he hadn't missed anyone else, making sure he had informed everyone about the two completely off limit costumes. Levi hadn't asked Eren to do this but he had just wanted to make sure no one else turned up in a (better) cat or dog costume, it was their little arrangement and no one else was going to be apart of it. Mikasa had cooed for nearly a minute when Eren had explained this and then she had accused Eren of having a crush on his neighbor, which he furiously denied. She only scoffed in response and ordered him to 'play safe', which made Eren blush darker and fumble his words even more. After standing up from his chair he proceeded to carry out a full body stretch before flopping down onto his bed so that his legs dangled off the edge, eyes staring directly ahead at the ceiling above. This Saturday couldn't come soon enough, it had been ages since he had looked forward to the weekend this much, just the thought of it caused a stomach full of butterflies and a head full of stars.

Levi in a cat suit. Eren wiped a tear from his eye. Thank god for themed parties.

\--- 

It rained a lot on Wednesday. Eren's windscreen wipers moved so fast he swore they would fly off and hit some poor passerby in the face. Traffic was torture and he had to blast 80s music to keep him alive and happy, or happy enough to not crawl out into the rain and lay in the middle of the road. The old Toyota he had owned for two years was not entirely waterproof and the rain would leak over the two front seats, creating a small lake around his feet like a crap foot spa. He wiggled his toes in his sneakers and was met with the feeling of wet sock against skin, making him groan in frustration. Of course his shoes weren't waterproof either, maybe he was just meant to drown in this car, maybe this was his fate all along. Finally the traffic moved and suddenly he was driving again, the wheel shook under his hands and he whispered comforting words, which were lost to the sound of the water on the roof of the car. "Nearly home, don't worry, not long now." It had been a long day at work, there had been a delivery of over 200 books and he had spent his hours trying to stack the things without them falling onto his face, so he could then start to organize them before finally putting them out for display. On top of this he had to work the till and help out any customers with finding the book(s) they wanted. By the time it hit 5pm he was a bumbling mess and was so thankful it was time to go home he nearly cried.

Pulling into the apartment car park Eren watched as a cyclist appeared at his side before whizzing in front of him and off to the bike shed. All the cyclists in this town had a death wish, he was sure of it. Once parked Eren pulled himself out of his car and grimaced at the things his feet were feeling. Wet socks were the worst. As he walked towards the building the cyclist from a moment ago took off his helmet and began to do the same. He looked different, his hair was messy, wet, parts of his fringe were plastered to his forehead, his skin was dripping, his eyelashes darker than usual.

"You don't drive?" Eren was surprised; he had Levi down as the driving type.

"You don't cycle?"

"Not to work."

"That's nice." Eren held the front door open for Levi and couldn't help but chuckle as the man walked past him. He was so soaking wet he left a watery trail behind him, like a snail.

"I can't believe I haven't asked you this before but, where do you work?" Levi quickly jammed the button for the lift four times, ding ding ding ding, and suddenly the doors were opening and in he stepped, closely followed by Eren. "Levi? What do you do?"

"If I told you I'd have to kill you." Levi was glaring straight ahead but Eren knew he wasn't being serious, or at least he hoped he wasn't, then again he could imagine Levi working for the secret service or something crazy like that.

"I'll take that risk, come on spill. I work at a book store, it can't be much worse than that." Truthfully, Eren loved his job as he loved books, it was just some days were harder than others and those days seemed to be stacking up lately.

"I'll tell you another day just not right now." With a shrug, Eren let the subject drop and leant against the wall of the lift, resting his tired muscles for a moment. Levi was still dripping and now he was standing in a puddle.

"You're soaked to the bone, the rain got you good huh?" Levi looked down at himself and watched, cross-eyed, as a bead of water trickled down the bridge of his nose and slowly dripped off the tip, joining the puddle at his feet.

"No, this is all sweat. I cycle fast." With a ding the doors rattled open and Eren watched as Levi exited first and made his way to the door of his flat without so much as a farewell or a cheerio.  
Two hours later Levi invited Eren over for dinner and Eren was so stunned that he could cook and so touched he had been offered some of said cooking, he had practically shouted a 'yes!' in Levi's face when asked. It was a simple, modest meal of pasta in tomato sauce but it tasted like utter heaven and Eren couldn't hold back the moans of pleasure as he ate. Fortunately Levi didn't seem to mind, each time Eren made a noise he would smile, proud and appreciative, it was nice knowing someone liked your cooking enough to moan as they ate. Also Eren's moans were nice to listen to. After the meal Eren sat back in his seat and remembered to ask an important question.

"Levi could I get your number?" Levi mirrored Eren and sat back in his own chair, stretching his legs under the wooden table. Eren had thought hard about asking this question for the last ten minutes, he didn't want to sound desperate or too keen and he wasn't really sure how you went about asking people for their number. All the other contacts in his phone asked him or somehow found it out from other people, he had never been the one asking. Would Levi even give it to him or would he just laugh and tell him to fuck off?

"I don't own a mobile." Of course, Eren thought, there was always that too, and of course Levi was going be difficult.

"What? Why not?"

"Okay I lied. I do own one but it's no longer working."

"What's wrong with it? Let me look at it and I'll see if I can fix it." Over the years Eren had broken countless phones along with other electrical appliances, so now he was quite handy when it came to technology.

"It's in the kitchen." Eren stood up and walked into the kitchen. "In the blender." Eren froze. The blender? Why the hell was it in there? After a moment of scanning the room he found the blender and sure enough the phone was inside, although it wasn't really a phone anymore, more like a technology turd.

"What the hell did you do Levi?"

"What do you mean? I did what I had to do." He actually sounded offended.

"This was an iPhone 5!" Eren opened the blender and picked out half of what used to be a screen. "Why the fuck did you blend an iPhone 5?"

"Because, Eren, phone hacking." Levi had joined him in the kitchen and was watching from the doorway, arms crossed and wearing a painfully serious expression.

"You blended your phone because you didn't want people hacking into it?"

"Exactly."

"But, Levi, no one is going to hack into your phone."

"How the fuck do you know that?" Eren sighed and picked up another piece of something and studied it, trying to work out what it used to be. No use. The poor thing was a goner, there was no way Eren could fix it.

"No phone deserves this, not even iPhones."

"I think it broke my blender." Levi said this as if the phone deserved its fate because of it. As if the phone was the one at fault here.  
"Good."

"Oi." Eren started to laugh then, just when he had started to think Levi was somewhat normal the paranoid man had proved him wrong. Levi appeared at Eren's side and pushed the blender, further down the kitchen counter, away from his hands. "Forget about the phone, I don't need one anyway."

"But what if I wanted to text you?"

"Why would you want to text me?"

"I don't know, to send you cheesy jokes or nudes or something?" Levi seemed to contemplate this for a moment before shaking his head.

"Both of those things can happen in my flat instead." Sighing, Eren turned to observe the strange man stood beside him. Obviously he didn't get it, Eren wanted to be able to reach him whenever, wherever, he wanted to be able to send him stupid jokes while Levi was at work, he wanted to send him funny pictures of things he saw while out in public, he wanted to annoy him by sending a hundred emoji messages. He wanted to have a contact that read 'Levi' possibly followed by a love heart. Eren flicked Levi on the forehead and was met with an irritated glare.

"Levi buy a new phone."

"Don't tell me what to do brat, I'm older than you." Levi was still glaring and Eren simply sighed while thinking how weird it was to be reminded of their age gap because sometimes it really didn't feel like it existed.

"That's nice." Finally Eren spoke and thoroughly enjoyed the annoyed groan it earned, before walking out of the kitchen, towards the front door. He sang farewell as he pulled on his shoes and exited the flat, leaving a grumbling Levi behind.

\---

The next day Eren found Levi in a tree.

He had been taking a walk after work as his flat had grown too boring over the quiet hours and the fact his neighbor wasn't home meant he couldn't use him as a distraction. So, Eren had decided to get out, into the fresh air, and take a walk around the local park and field that he really, really needed to visit more often. It was only a five-minute walk away, he knew deep down he should take advantage of it but sometimes it was just so much easier to stay in bed and marathon a TV series than actually pull on some pants and get out the front door. Jean and him used to sneak out at night sometimes, just to lay in the middle of the field, passing a roll up back and forth, watching the stars shine brighter as the hours rolled by. The grass was always so cold and it would tickle the back of Eren’s neck, making him giggle and then Jean would start laughing, for no other reason than Eren was giggling and it sounded funny. That was before Jean had moved out to move in with Marco. That was when things were simple and stupid. Eren had come to the conclusion that those days were pretty much gone forever, now he lived alone and had a job, now he recycled and clean his bathroom, he no longer spent whole days playing video games, now he had to remember when he was out of milk because no one else would. He thought he had accepted this long ago, but only now that he had a new, exciting neighbor in his life did he realize he hadn’t accepted anything, only ignored it. He’d been waiting all this time, not to depend or become overly attached to someone, but to find someone who could make his skin tingle and his heart flutter.

It was 4:30 in the afternoon and the sun was still shining although the slight breeze in the air had grown chiller and therefore, much more noticeable. Sweaty joggers and noisy dog walkers were everywhere and it was pleasant to see so many strangers going about their lives, occupied with their own thoughts, ideas and worries. It was a reminder that you weren't alone in the world; everyone had their own story. It was comforting. Just as Eren's thoughts had started to get exceptionally deep and philosophical he heard a shout from one of the trees above him. Since when could squirrels talk? Since when could squirrels swear? Squirrels couldn't normally mimic humans, right?

"Fuck!" A second shout caused a baffled mother to swiftly guide her daughter away from the area, her hands clasped around her ears, clearly squirrels were a bad influence. There was a rustle of leaves and a snap of a branch while Eren tried to think what noises squirrels usually made, was it a squeaking noise, or more of a chirp? In the end he settled on a sort of clicking noise that he made with his tongue against the roof of his mouth. It didn't seem to work and not one squirrel came out of hiding because of it, so instead he tried out a swear word instead.

"Shit!" Judging by the dirty look he received from a bystander he had shouted it just a tad too loud, but Eren couldn't stay guilty for too long because in fact, the tactic had worked and now Eren watched as one particular tree shook forcefully. This squirrel was like no other squirrel he had ever come across as this one was fucking insane. "Hello?" He wasn’t sure why he was trying to communicate with the squirrel but something in his gut told him to do it.

"You fucker." This time the voice was clear and blatant and Eren realized that this was no squirrel.

"Is someone up there?" Eren asked, walking closer to the tree and once he was standing underneath it he looked up and found a man carefully balanced high up on top of a branch. Since he was so high up it was hard to make out his face but Eren could tell, of course he could tell, he could tell with sunglasses on, he could probably tell wearing a blindfold. "What the fuck are you doing in a tree?"

"Nothing." Of course, Eren rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You're gonna fall and die Levi."

"No I'm not, mother."

"Okay, but really, what are you doing?" Levi carefully lowered himself onto the branch below him and once he was firmly seated, legs dangling beneath him, he looked down at Eren's face and sighed in defeat.

"There was a squirrel."

"In the tree?" Eren walked closer to the trunk and looked around for the first branch to use to pull him up. A short, thick one above his head appeared strong enough to use and so he jumped up to grab onto it, the bark biting against his skin as he pulled himself up with all the strength in his arms. How Levi had managed to do this, considering the height of the man, was beyond him.

"What are you doing?" The older man watched from above, eyebrows drawn together as Eren grunted his way up the tree.

"I'm-ow!" A small, sharp twig jammed itself into Eren's hip, making him flinch and almost lose his balance. Once steady again he grinned up at the man above. "I'm joining you." Levi grew quiet then but his face revealed he was deep in thought and Eren wiggled his way up to the branch he was sat on, making sure it was strong and sturdy enough to hold the two of them. It bent a little when he added his weight to it, but it was stable enough to hold him too. He hadn't looked down yet and once he was comfortably seated, just an arms length away from Levi, he peered over his legs, over his now filthy shoes and finding how high he was, gripped tighter onto the branches around him, so that bark pushed under his nails. "Damn." It was barely a mutter but it snapped Levi out of his daze.

"You scared of heights Eren?"

"Not particularly, but this is pretty fucking high." Eren was only really scared of two things, clowns and solitude.

"Don't worry, if you trip the branches will break your fall. You may break some bones on the way down though."

"Great! That makes me feel so much better." Levi smirked for only a second before shifting in his position, so that he was now facing Eren, straddling the branch beneath him with his hands stretched out in front of him. "So wait, why are you up here again?"

"I wanted to feed the squirrel but he was too fast." He sounded so crushed, so heartbroken, that Eren couldn't help but feel sorry for him, so he decided to lift his neighbor's spirit with a little pun.

"Levi, you're nuts." Eren paused; eyebrows raised, and allowed Levi a moment to really take in the pun, to really appreciate it. "Get it?" When Levi failed to laugh or even smile, or in fact even blink, Eren decided to help him out a little. "Cause squirrels, you know, nuts? Squirrels like nuts?"

"Eren, I will push you out of this tree."

"Please don't, I'm too young to die." Levi rolled his eyes and groaned before looking away, through a gap in the leaves that framed the view of the sky and the field. Eren closed his eyes and listened to the sounds. There was the sound of some kids playing football and the sound of two dogs barking as they chased one another, the sound of mothers chatting and gossiping, the sound of the wind caught between the leaves, the sound of birds that sat even higher, the sound that Eren could only hear, his heartbeat and the soft sound of breathing from the man that sat just a reach away.

"Don't fall asleep idiot, or I'll just leave you here."

"I’m not, I'm just listening." Eren mumbled, opening one eye to find two eyes staring back at him.

"How about we play a game?" Levi spoke slowly with words full of menace that instantly intrigued Eren, he was always up for doing anything with Levi but if it was something mischievous, he was even more interested. Armin was always too much of a goody two shoes to get into trouble, which Eren respected but god could it get boring, Mikasa was too mature for such things like tricks and pranks, even when they were young teenagers she would shrug away any ideas that involved whoopee cushions and balloons filled with water.

"Sure, what kinda game?"

"Well I have these." Levi reached a hand into the front pocket of his grey hoodie and pulled out a bag of fake spiders and Eren couldn't help but instantly grin. "This massive one is on a sting, we could drop it down onto peoples faces, these smaller ones we can just throw." Pulling a few out of the bag, Levi placed them in the space on the branch between them and Eren picked one up to get a closer look. They were just typical rubber spiders, painted black with small angry, red eyes, and little rubber hairs on their legs so they felt extra gross. Eren picked the massive one up by the string and bounced it up and down, testing out its weight. He could imagine scaring an unsuspecting jogger as they ran underneath the tree, letting the spider fall onto their face, watching them freak out. Oh god, Levi was brilliant. "Eren?"

"Yeah, sorry, yeah I'm totally down for this, let's scare the shit out of those kids first." They had shouted some pretty offensive words at him earlier; when he had passed their game of football, and he wanted them get the little fuckers back.

"Good idea." Levi nodded and picked up the spiders, shoving them back into the bag and then shoving that back into his hoodie pocket again. Eren followed as he made his way down the tree, to the branch closest to the floor and closest to the kids that that were screaming and shouting as they played their game. There was the perfectly sized opening in the leaves just in front of them, which meant they could throw spiders at the kids as they ran past, if they timed it correctly the could easily land one right in one of their annoying faces. "Here, you take these ones." Levi was sitting close now, much closer than he had been sitting on the branch above, now their thighs brushed together when one of them moved and Levi kept moving. If he wanted to Eren could wrap his arm over Levi's shoulders and pull in into his chest, where they could sit and watch life, but Eren only thought about that for a moment before Levi was dropping six fake spiders into his lap and suddenly the kids were shouting louder.

"Thanks. I'm going to try and get the one in the blue shirt." The kid was in view but not yet in the perfect place for Eren to aim at, he just had to wait until the kid took two steps back and then he'd swing the spider as hard as he could. Levi had moved in even closer now, his face was so near to Eren's that he swore he could feel this tickle of his breathe against his skin.

"Take your time, aim well." Levi whispered, determination etched into his face, he wanted this just as much as Eren did. In that moment the kid moved backwards, his attention on the football coming his way and Eren didn't waste a single second pulling his hand back and chucking the spider through the space in front of him. Sadly, the spider landed behind the kid, he didn't even notice something had been lobbed his way and continued to bounce on his feet, screaming at his teammates. "Quickly, try again." Levi whispered, he sounded so confident still, like he knew Eren could do this, and it caused self assurance to creep up the younger man’s spine, caused goose bumps to appear on the skin of his arms. This time Eren threw the spider with certainly. It was going to hit the boy right in the middle of the face, he knew it, and when it did, he nearly fell backwards off the branch thanks to the sudden silent cheering he couldn't hold back. Thankfully, Levi had caught him and pushed him back into place, and was now pointing back at the kid, who had screamed in fear as soon as the spider had landed on his nose.

"What's wrong?" Out of view another kid shouted while the boy in the blue shirt frantically wiped at his clothing, making sure the bug wasn't hanging onto him anywhere.

"A fucking spider jumped into my face!" This only made the other kids laugh harder.

"Haha! You fucking pussy, it's only a spider!"

"It was massive!" One of the kids kicked the ball at the boy and it bounced off his hip, causing him to yelp in surprise. "Fucking stop! I'm being serious, I hate spiders." He picked up the ball and proceeded to search the ground around his feet for the spider. Fortunately for the two people in the tree, the kid didn't find anything and soon gave up, deciding to just continue the game of football instead. Once the coast was clear Eren relaxed and slipped into a fit of laughter. It was childish, it was immature, they were probably just typical 12 year old boys, but it had felt so, so good to witness that.

"Nice. Now it's my turn." Levi was smiling and Eren scooted over so that he could take his place on the branch and have a better viewpoint of the field. There were no kids in sight but they sounded close, so it couldn't be too long until their second victim made themselves visible.

"Any particular kid in mind?"

"I don't care as long as they scream like that last one did." Eren nodded in agreement and considered the question, was this evil? The kids were little shits but did they deserve spiders in the face? Should two adults really chuck rubber spiders at children from a tree? Levi pulled his hand back and suddenly a spider was flying through the air. Eren lost all doubt of the situation, he didn't want to be anywhere else right now, this was perfect. Levi proved to be an outstanding shot because the spider landed right in the kid's mouth as he was yelling for a pass. With a shriek the kid spat the bug out and immediately lost balance on his feet, falling backwards onto his bum.

"What the fuck now?"

"Someone threw a spider in my mouth!"

"Who the fuck would do that?"

"I don't know! Ugh, I could have swallowed it!"

"Just shut up and play football." After brushing himself off and finding his feet the kid ran back out of view. Eren turned to Levi to congratulate him on his aim and was surprised to find the older man staring ahead with tears in his eyes.

"Levi?"

"That was so beautiful."

"Is that why you're crying?

"It went right in his mouth." Eren patted Levi's back, full of pride, while the man wiped away the tears from his eyelashes.

"You did good. You did good." It was now Eren's turn again and it wasn't long until he was flinging another spider towards another boy, missing the first two times, but landing it perfectly the third. It hit the kid’s forehead and the scream it received was pure music to his ears.

"What the fuck!" The boy cried and Eren had to clamp a hand over his mouth to stifle the laughter that was bubbling up his throat. "Where are these fucking spiders coming from?" The kid bent down and, after hesitating for a moment, picked up the rubber spider and studied it in his hands. "It's not even real!"

"What?"

"It's a fake spider! Someone is throwing fake spiders at me!"

"No way!" The other kids ran over to join him, standing in a group to feel the rubber spider for themselves. Levi tapped on Eren's shoulder and nodded at the branches above them.

"We should climb up higher, we'll be out of view then." He was impressed, the man thought ahead, Eren would have just remained in place on his own and the kids would have run over and found him and then they would have thrown stones at him. If they climbed up higher the kids wouldn't see their dangling legs and if they were lucky, they would run right past the tree and home to cry to their mums or into their pillows. Eren followed Levi's lead and while doing so looked up at Levi's bum more times than he needed to. Once they were back on the branch they had sat on earlier they listened out for any sign of what was happening beneath them.

“I can’t see anyone!”

“Yeah, same! Where the hell were they coming from?”

“I don’t know but when we find the idiot I’m gonna kick his ass.”

“I fucking bet it was Trevor, he’s always doing stupid shit like this.”

“No man, Trevor is grounded, it ain’t him.”

“Maybe he snuck out?”

“Trevor ain’t smart enough to do that, trust.” The voices were harder to eavesdrop on which meant the kids were walking away from the tree, which meant they had gotten away with it. They had actually managed to get away with throwing fake spiders at kids. Eren started laughing and for a moment Levi just watched him wearing only a small smile, until that smile slipped into a grin and then that grin transformed into a fit of chuckles. Levi had the cutest laugh ever, Eren was sure of it. Beneath them the branch was shaking, the leaves dancing and laughing along with them, even the birds around them found it hopelessly funny. Eren bit his lip and playfully hit at Levi’s shoulder.

“That was fun, Trevor.”

“I think so too, Trevor.”

Since the sky was quickly falling into darkness and the sun was almost completely out of sight now, they decided to head home and continue this some other day. The climb down was tricky; Eren was feeling a little delirious and lightheaded from the laughing and at one point his foot nearly slipped off a branch completely. After his heart crawled down his throat and fell back into its rightful place Eren could overhear Levi mumbling above him and when he listened carefully he realized he was saying goodbye to the squirrels.

Once they were back in their apartment building, the both of them unlocking their front doors, Eren abruptly called out Levi’s name and waited for the older man to do a full 180° turn before he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out the one fake spider he had secretly kept.

“Night!” Eren sang as he tossed the spider in Levi’s direction. Without even waiting to see if it actually hit him, and if so where, Eren pushed open the door and stumbled into his flat before slamming it shut behind him. Just before he pulled himself away from the surface he was leaning on he heard a grunted expletive from back in the hallway and decided that meant he had managed to hit Levi in the face and therefore had succeeded and now deserved to eat an entire pizza for dinner in reward.

\--- 

It rained relentlessly the following Friday morning but as soon as it hit afternoon time the sun pushed it’s way through the clouds to shine brightly in the sky, producing a rainbow that seemed to lift everyone’s dampened spirits. Eren studied the rows of colour from the bookshop window and couldn't help but smile as people walked down the street, smiling in the sunlight while dodging puddles. The bell above the door chimed, calling Eren out of his daze and he turned on his feet to find one of his closest friends, Mikasa, smiling at him, pushing stray pieces of her black hair away from her face.

“What are you doing here?” Eren was surprised; he hadn’t been expecting any recognizable visitors today. Mikasa rolled her eyes but her smile was full of fondness.

“Just checking up on you, is that so wrong?” Without warning she pulled him into a tight hug and Eren let himself sink into it, Mikasa always gave the best hugs. She was often like this, unexpectedly affectionate; sometimes it was with a squeeze of the shoulder or a ruffle of the hair, Eren liked to make a show of how it irritated him but deep down he enjoyed every second. “So, Eren, are you exited for the party tomorrow?” Eren nodded sheepishly, his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt and tried desperately to sound casual.

“Yeah, you?”

“Of course, I’ve had my costume ready since Wednesday.” She grinned because she knew how much not telling Eren what her costume was annoyed him. He had texted her every day asking for what animal she was coming as but she had denied him even a hint.

“I haven’t even seen my own costume yet.” Eren had asked Levi if he could try it on before the party but Levi had just thrown a banana at him in response and told him to “quiet your requests you’re giving me a headache”. Mikasa patted Eren on the head.

“Maybe lover-boy wants you to wait until the big day?” She was doing this on purpose; she was enjoying Eren’s blushes far too much for it to be healthy.

“Maybe I should ban you from this shop forever.”

“Can you even do that?” Mikasa took the following silence from the boy as a ‘no’ and turned away to try and suppress her giggles.

“Are you only here to mock me or are you looking for a book?”

“Both actually, I finished that last one you recommended and now I need a new one to read.” It didn’t take Eren longer than a minute to locate another book for Mikasa to read and when he pushed Catch-22 into her hands she gave him a look of appreciation before curiously reading the title out loud. Eren went on for five minutes about how great the novel is, without spoiling anything, and Mikasa had to physically hit him over the head with the book to remind him she still had to pay for the thing. “The party starts at 8pm, right?” Mikasa asked, carefully placing the book into her satchel.

“Yup.”

“And you remembered to invite Connie and Sasha and Ymir and Historia?”

“Of course, and I remembered Reiner, Bertolt and Annie.”

“Well done.” Eren sighed and rubbed at his neck, he hated being treated like a child but he knew at times he deserved it so he simply tried to endure it without making any sarcastic or rude comments. Mikasa smiled her gentle, caring smile and all the frustration in his body trickled away.

“Isn’t the rainbow outside pretty?”

“It sure is.”

\--- 

Finally, Saturday had arrived and as Eren hadn’t seen Levi since Thursday his skin was practically itching in anticipation. After deciding it would be a good idea to go to Levi’s flat early and help get the place ready, Eren found himself drumming his knuckles against a wooden door at 10am. Nothing happened, the door remained locked and closed, so Eren tried again only this time knocking slightly louder. A few seconds dragged by before the door was swung open so fast it made Eren jump in surprise. Levi stood clad in a pair of black boxer briefs along with a loose grey shirt that had a picture of a cartoon turtle printed on the front, a speech-bubble hanging over it’s shell read ‘cycle safe!’

“Morning!” Eren forced his eyes to remain on the man’s face as the fleeting glance he had just given to the bottom half of his neighbor had already highlighted his cheeks red and didn’t think he could survive another look. Levi grunted in reply and turned away to trudge back into his flat, coming to a stop beside the sofa before collapsing down onto the pile of cushions with a grumble. Eren could see the man was barely awake and probably not in the best of moods, but wow was he adorable, especially when his eyes squinted against the harsh outside light and how his legs and arms were covered in goose bumps, due to the sudden exposure to cold air.

“Would you like me to make you some breakfast?” Eren asked, already in the kitchen and as he searched the cupboards for a frying pan he heard a muffled grunt from the living room and decided that meant a ‘yes please, my beloved Eren’.

Levi ate the fry up so fast Eren was sure he was going to choke and die and when Levi looked up into his eyes and whispered a sincere ‘thank you’ Eren nearly choked (and died) himself.

“A-any time man.”

“Your cooking is very good, Eren.” He had only cooked for Levi a few times now, all simple meals, which he would give his own small twist too. Levi had never really complimented him on his cooking before, only offered a nod of approval after the meal, which was enough for Eren.

“It’s only a fry up.”

“True, but it’s still very good.” Twice. Levi had complimented Eren twice now. The words ‘do not blush’ echoed over and over in his mind but it was futile, he already knew his cheeks were as rosy as tomatoes.

After the quick breakfast Eren explained how he had come over to assist Levi in preparations for the party, not just to feed him, and Levi tapped his lip in consideration before giving Eren orders such as ‘make sure the cushions are well fluffed’ and ‘re-wash all the cups and glasses’. Eren was more than happy to help and it was a joy to watch Levi run around with a dustpan and brush, frantically sweeping up dirt that didn't exist. The pink rubber gloves Levi wore really went well with his black boxers too, Eren had decided against informing his neighbor of the attire he was still wearing, he was enjoying the view too much.

"This place is spotless, let's chill and watch tv for a bit." Eren pleaded, walking behind the man that was bent down scrubbing at the floor. His lip was caught between his teeth and his face was twisted into an expression of intense concentration, so much so that Eren was sure he hadn't heard him at all, until the man suddenly sat up and breathed out.

"Go ahead, I'll join you in a second." Levi bent back down to continue but Eren decided that wasn't going to happen today and so he bent down to grab onto the older man's hips, hoisting him up into the air and ignoring his shouts of disapproval, placed him over his shoulder. Levi clawed at his back and tried to kick his hands away, which only made Eren laugh.

"Come on Levi, stop kicking, it's TV time."

"Put me down you dick-wrinkle!" As Eren walked over to the sofa he dodged a kick to the face. "Eren you butt slug you're gonna pay for this."

"That's nice." Unceremoniously Eren released Levi onto the sofa, dropping him down on top of the cushions, where Levi quickly wriggled around to face upwards, so he could glare at Eren's face.

"Brat. Never ever do that again."

"Don't act like you don't enjoy being manhandled." It was cheeky, Eren knew it the moment he said it and so he accepted the backhanded slap he received.

Once settled on the sofa and once Levi had finished shooting Eren evil looks, he pointed the remote control at the three televisions and clicked the on button. All three screens blinked into life broadcasting three separate channels. "What..." Eren turned to look at Levi who shrugged once, his eyes flicking between the screens. "How the hell can you watch TV like this?"

“Easy.” Choosing to just go along with it Eren sank back into the sofa and allowed the three TVs to cloud his mind.

Hours later a dog costume was thrown into Eren’s face, waking him from the deep sleep he had unintentionally slipped into. By the time he had pulled it away from his face Levi had disappeared into his bedroom and Eren realised he was stretched out across the sofa, his green hoodie missing but replaced by a quilted blanket. Eren held the costume out at arms length to study the thing and noticed the brown of the fur wasn’t too far off his own hair colour; Levi had obviously picked this one out because it would suit him so well. The costume was baggy and gloves in the shape of paws hung from the wrists, a plain white circle covered the chest and stomach area and a dark, stiff tail stuck out the back. It looked very much like a mascot costume that was worn at all the games Jean would drag him along to. When Eren sat up he noticed the head of the costume on the floor, having bounced off him when Levi had thrown it. The dog’s tongue hung out of its mouth and the long, dark ears dangled on each side of the head. The main thing Eren was concerned about right now was how hot the costume would be after a few hours of wearing it; he didn’t want to die of exhaustion or overheating in a stupid dog costume, that was possibly the worst way to go. A voice from the next room pulled him from his worries.

“We’ve got an hour until people arrive, I’ve got the drinks and food out, we just need to get ready.”

As he was sure wearing the costume over clothes would kill him Eren stripped down to his boxers before pulling the costume on, slipping his feet into the paws and carefully pulling the gloves over his hands. Once it was on he found it difficult to do the back up completely and so he started towards Levi’s bedroom.

“Levi I need your help.”

“Okay, okay, just give me a minute.” Eren waited, standing completely still in front of Levi’s half open bedroom door and counted to 37 seconds before the door opened completely and Levi flooded his vision. Levi flooded his entire mind because there he was, wearing a skin-tight black sleeveless latex suit along with black cat ears and black paws on his hands. Eren died on the spot. “I need you to do my whiskers and nose with the face paint because I keep doing it wonky.”

“Y-yeah er, okay haha, sure m-dude.” Oh god, he knew he was blushing yet again but Levi looked unbelievable, like all his dreams combined into one incredibly sexy latex cat. Levi lead the way into his room and made a comment about how Eren looked but it fell on deaf ears because Eren was in another world completely. Levi had a tail; he actually had a tail that bounced against his bum as he walked.

“There’s the black paint, don’t fuck it up or I’ll disinvite you to the party.”

“Okay.” Eren’s hands were shaking so badly but he really didn’t want to end up uninvited to the housewarming party he helped organize and had looked forward to all week. “Hold still.” Trying his hardest to stop his hands from trembling he lifted the paintbrush up to Levi’s face and carefully painted three black lines on each cheek. When he began to paint a cat’s pink nose onto his face Levi started to fidget and squirm and even blush. “You alright?”

“Yeah, shut up, it’s just- it’s ticklish.” Eren couldn't believe it, Levi really did have a ticklish nose and so when he continued to paint onto his face he made sure the strokes were soft, gentle, made sure the brush really tickled against skin.

“Finished.”

“Fucking finally.” Levi helped Eren with the zip of his costume and Eren did the same back and when his fingers brushed over the latex he shivered slightly. The doorbell rang moments later and Eren quickly pushed the costume head over his and opened it to find a brown mouse and a white rabbit waving back at him.

“Eren!”

“Wow.” Eren beckoned his two friends inside and offered them drinks but before he could even begin to pour them doorbell rang again. This time he opened it to a seahorse and a badger.

“Hello Eren!” Marco sang, waving and smiling, genuinely happy to see him and Eren couldn't help but think he looked adorable with practically half of his face black and the other half white. Jean, on the other hand, was chugging beer and had already smudged some of his yellow face paint and for some reason had black lips. A million and one (sea)horse jokes raced through his head but before he could shout one out Jean was moving.

“You look ridiculous. You alright?” He asked as he pushed past, Eren flicked his face just for good measure before giving Marco a welcoming smile. Turning back around he found Mikasa and Levi standing either side of a table arm wrestling while Armin was fiddling with the music in the corner, turning it up and then turning it down again like he couldn't decide which volume he liked the most. Jean walked away to join Armin and Marco followed Eren over to the table.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Eren asked, mainly to Levi, he couldn't believe his neighbor and one of his best friends were already arm wrestling just moments into meeting each other.

“Wait Eren, I’ve nearly got him.” Mikasa had been the one to reply while Levi just continued to struggle, staring straight ahead into the girl’s eyes and gritting his teeth like a crazed animal. There was another ring at the door and Eren tore himself away from the scene to open it, finding two penguins.

“Connie, Sasha, welcome!” He had to shout extra loud because the dog head he was wearing stifled his voice. Sasha jumped into Eren’s arms, giving him a brief hug before entering the flat and Connie offered a fist bump in greeting while balancing two strobe lights in his other hand. Now the place was filling up, Eren could feel the excitement in his body rising as well as the need to get some alcohol into his system. Everyone else that had arrived so far had already started to drink before the party, already slightly tipsy, and anyway, Mikasa only ever got into arm wrestling competitions when she had had a drink. Just at that moment Levi appeared at his side, offering him a drink, which he took and gulped down without a seconds thought. He was fairly sure it was vodka and coke but wasn’t completely certain. “Did you win the arm wrestle?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Levi rubbed at his elbow and took a swig of his own drink. The music was making the walls bounce along with the beat and Eren could feel his heart thump along with the song.

“Annie just texted me, they’re around the corner!” Mikasa called out as she passed Eren, sticking her tongue out at Levi before making her way over to Jean, to probably mock his choice of costume and he nearly kicked himself because he had yet to take the piss out of Jean. He hadn’t come as a horse but he had come as a seahorse, which was almost better. Did he do it on purpose? Maybe Jean secretly liked to be teased? Grabbing onto Levi’s latex covered arm he pulled him over to Jean, Armin and Mikasa, to assist with the taunting.

“Look, seahorses are fucking cool, alright? They have like, armor, and cool tails.” Jean pointed to his own tail that was curling around his leg slightly.

“You’re so lame.” Eren rolled his eyes; Jean could be such a dork at times, or all the time.

“And seahorses mate for life! Don't pretend that ain’t fucking awesome!”

“You realize it's the male seahorses that give birth right?” Levi asked and couldn't help but smile as Jean’s face dropped; Eren’s friends were too amusing.

“Just make sure you and Marco use protection… unless you want to get pregnant.” Eren winked and Jean was suddenly blushing and waving his arms around desperately.

“Marco and I always-“ He managed to cut himself off just in time but Armin had already turned around to walk away from the conversation completely and Mikasa had started to choke on her drink from laughing so hard.

“That’s great Jean, really great.”

Ten minutes later the front door was pushed open, Eren had left it unlocked, and now a rhino, a wolf and a lion had joined the party. Eren passed them all drinks, just in time to find two more animals walking into the flat, a rather tall zebra and an adorable bee.

“Levi, what about your guests?” Five minutes later Eren had pulled his neighbor into a corner so that he could actually speak to him without interruptions and without losing his voice to the music. Levi’s eyes danced around his face for a moment, he looked a bit tipsy and Eren hadn’t let go of him yet and refused to, instead tightening his grip around the latex under his hand.

“I told them to come a bit later, I wanted to meet all your friends first.” It probably didn’t mean anything, but Eren still felt his heart flutter and couldn't stop his lip twitch. Levi was really thoughtful at times, even if it was in secret. “They should be here soon though, it’s almost, what’s the time? It’s about half nine so they should be here...” That very second, as if they had been waiting for the perfect moment, in walked a cross between a sexy zookeeper and a sexy explorer, wearing stilettos instead of the expected hiking boots. “Oh look it’s Hange.” Following Hange were four strangers and the next thing he knew Eren was being pulled over and introduced to each other them. According to Levi the fox was called Petra, the crocodile was Eld, the moose was Oluo and the snake, Gunther. It took a few attempts, Levi’s words had become jumbled in his mouth but once he was finished Eren said hello four times and then he was dancing with the fox, crocodile, moose and snake to 50 Cent – In Da Club and the strobe light was flashing along with the beat and there was a drink in his hand that was numbing his thoughts, making him enjoy the crappy cliché club songs that refused to stop playing more than he thought he ever could.

He caught Levi’s eye from across the room, the older man was dancing with Armin which was a sight Eren never thought he would ever, ever see. Eren bit his lip and watched as Levi’s body moved along to the song and when he lifted his eyes back up to his face he found Levi had watched him check him out and was then winking at Eren before clawing his finger in the air, gesturing him to make his way over and join him.

Eren was 100% sure he had died and gone to heaven.


	3. In the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm trash!!!!! sorry it took me so long to update arghhh.  
> also this chapter is probably trash too, be warned!

Before Eren could even begin to make his way over to Levi someone was pulling on his costume’s tail and calling out his name. Since the dog head he was wearing prevented him from just simply looking over his shoulder to see who it was, Eren had to do a full 180-degree turn, therefore facing away from Levi who was now dancing with both Armin and Hange. Eren gritted his teeth in jealousy and then the situation didn't get any better as Eren realised that in fact Jean was the one asking for his attention. He was already talking but because the music was so loud and because Eren’s ears were covered, the words were muffled and Eren was unable to lip-read, especially when being as drunk as he was. He slapped his paw onto jean’s mouth to silence him before wriggling out of the dog head, basking in the fresh air that tickled his face. The costume was so hot, unbelievably so, it felt like someone had set it on fire. 

“Dude your face is so fucking red.” Jean stated, pointing a finger right in front of Eren’s nose. 

“Shit, really?”

“Yeah man, maybe you should go splash some cold water onto it or something, before you overheat.” Eren sighed because it was a good idea and he didn’t like it when Jean was right. “But anyway Ymir and Krista arrived.”

“Yeah I know, the zebra and the bee right? Where are they? I need to say hi.” 

“I think they’re making out in the kitchen.” Jean pointed over his shoulder before shrugging. That wasn’t a surprise, those two were pretty inseparable and even when they attended social gatherings such as this party, they still managed to sneak off and have little intimate sessions together. It was pretty impressive that they had managed to do so despite only arriving moments ago. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, see that's the problem, I want to make some toast but I don’t want to disturb them.” Jean sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“They won’t mind if you’re just quick and quiet.” 

“Nah, I’m pretty sure Ymir would beat me up, but if it’s you she can’t cause like, it’s your friend’s kitchen, right? So it would be fine.” That didn't even really make sense so Jean offered up his most sincere smile and puppy dog eyes and Eren was so close to punching him square in the face, Jean always looked better with a black eye or a split lip, but then Marco was giving him the two fingered peace sign from over Jean’s shoulder and Eren gave in because Marco was some kind of freckled wizard. 

“Fine, you dickhole, but you owe me.” Jean was patting him on the back before he could even finish and then he was pushing him towards the kitchen as if Eren had forgotten the way. 

Ymir and Krista were indeed making out but thankfully there were no wandering hands (that Eren could see) and the two were still fully costumed. The moment Eren entered the kitchen Krista was pulling away from Ymir’s face and waving at Eren, totally oblivious to her smudged lipstick. Ymir had caged Krista into the corner of the room, against the counters, and when she moved to see who had dared disturb her Eren’s blood ran cold. Then she was smiling and cheering and Eren was beyond relieved, breaking out into a ridiculous grin. 

“Ymir! Krista! Hello! Don’t let me interrupt you, I’m just making some toast.” 

“Eren, you look adorable!” Krista sang and Eren bowed in appreciation, he hadn’t put the dog head back on yet, was still holding it in his left hand, and so he slipped it on quickly to present the full getup in all it's glory, before pulling it off again to find Krista clapping her small hands together in admiration. 

“You two look great, that costume really suits you Krista.” Ymir smirked and moved closer to Eren.

“You hitting on her, Eren? “ 

“Always, Ymir” He slowly winked and she flicked his forehead in punishment, making him stumble backwards, feeling as stable as a newborn deer. 

“Where’s your boyfriend? I’ve got a present here for him.” Ymir was holding something behind her back, Eren had failed to notice before and now he was desperately trying to get behind her to see what it was. Ymir was nowhere near drunk, not even tipsy, so she moved much faster and smoother while Eren kept tripping over his own feet. 

“I thought we told everyone no presents?” That had been Levi’s decision; he said he didn't want presents from people he’d never met before because his flat was already filled with such things. Eren had given him a present earlier, it was a fire extinguisher wrapped up in a pink ribbon and Levi had threatened to spray him in the face with it because Eren thought he was hilarious and wouldn’t stop laughing.

“Yeah you did but I don't listen.” Ymir said proudly and raised her eyebrows in smugness. “So where is he?”

“Somewhere in the living room, he’s dressed as a cat.” Eren watched as Ymir dragged Krista out of the kitchen with her, waving goodbye, and decided against accompanying them, certain Levi could manage the two girls by himself. He seemed to be doing fine with everyone else. 

Now that he was alone in the kitchen he dropped the costume head onto the kitchen counter and made his way over to the sink where he let the cold tap run for a moment before splashing some of the freezing water onto his face. It felt like a wet slap but it was exactly what he needed. The water dripped down his neck, down his chest inside the costume and a shiver ran up his spine like a bolt of lightening. Pausing for a moment, he let his mind wander and his eyes fall on the window over the sink that displayed a view of the town below. It was pitch black outside and the lights of street lambs and buildings twinkled to the beat of the music coming from the other room, passing cars drove by but Eren could only see their headlights making them look like giant fireflies. Looking up he found the sky empty besides a single plane that flew overhead. 

“Hey, where’s my toast?” Of course Jean would be the one to ruin the moment, why the hell did he want toast anyway? 

“Yeah, yeah calm your tits, I’m making it.” Eren turned to find him leaning against the doorframe and he remained there the entire time as Eren struggled with his paws, finding it a task to even put some bread in the toaster. His body kept swaying to the side too making the whole thing even more difficult. Once it was done he buttered the toast and before he could even ask, Jean was speaking again.

“Nutella.” Opening the cupboard directly above him, Eren couldn't help but hope that Levi was all out of Nutella, just so it would piss Jean off, but unfortunately Levi had three jars of the stuff stacked on top of one other. 

“Here you go, hope it tastes like shit.” Jean took the plate of toast out of Eren’s hands and laughed, already lifting one of the slices up towards his mouth.

“Food always does when you make it.” And with that he was exiting the kitchen, shoveling the toast down his throat like it was some kind of race against time. Eren knew that was nonsense, he knew Jean secretly adored anything Eren prepared because back when they lived together Jean would always say so.

Before making his way back into the living room to showcase some more of his celebrated dance moves, Eren made a quick dash to Levi’s bedroom so he could quickly sort his junk out. The costume had created a wedgie type situation with his boxers and the paws that covered his hands meant there was no way he could unpick it without taking the whole costume off. The kitchen would be too risky to just start getting naked in as anyone could walk in, including one of Levi’s friends whom he had only just been introduced to. It was far too early for any of them to find him nude in a kitchen and so he snuck away, undetected, towards the bedroom. Thankfully it was empty and so he made quick work of unzipping the back of the costume, pulling his hands and arms out into the cool air. It felt so refreshing and energizing that Eren had the incredible urge to start dancing. He proceeded to swing his arms up in the air, swaying his body back and fourth and it was a miracle he didn't fall over. 

“You look like such an idiot.” Eren had danced his way over to the double bed and when he spun around on the spot to see who was laughing at him he lost his balance, falling down onto the mattress with a theatrical gasp. His body bounced up once before his head flopped back completely and he allowed the duvet and the cushions to swamp his body. “A half naked Eren on my bed! I never thought I’d see the day.” Levi was shutting the bedroom door as he spoke and then he was making his way over to the bed so he could look down on Eren. “You look very hot and bothered. Are you?”

“You have no idea.” Eren raised his left hand up into the air and made a grabbing gesture towards the man that stood over him, like a child.

“One of your friends got me a present.” Levi explained and Eren tried to say ‘Ymir’ but instead he ended up humming ‘mmer’, which Levi just ignored because he was too busy lifting a black riding crop up into the air and bringing it down onto one of Eren’s thighs. 

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck!” Eren yelped, suddenly he was feeling annoyingly sober because the swift pain that was burning into his skin was so intense and abrupt it was pulling him out of his drunken haze. He sat up to take a look at his sore thigh and found that the bottom half of his costume had slipped down when he had fallen onto the bed and was now bundled up around his feet. There was a mark in the skin where the whip had struck and Eren ran his clumsy fingers over it, hissing at the sting it produced. 

“It’s exactly what I wanted.” Levi sang and Eren looked up at his neighbor who was joyfully swinging the whip around in the air, wearing a satisfied grin. 

“Ymir got you a fucking whip?” 

“Language!” Levi growled before bringing the riding crop down again, towards Eren’s other thigh, and the younger man was far too slow to dodge the attack completely, his desperate attempt to roll away and under the bed only resulted in the whip landing onto his backside instead. 

“Fuck!” He would never, ever admit it but he definitely preferred this over the thigh, but it still stung like a bitch and now he was grasping at his buttocks and groaning in pain. Levi literally couldn’t contain his joy over his new toy and began to kiss the whip like it was his most priced possession. Between the whines and whimpers Eren made a promise to himself to get back at Ymir for this, one way or another. 

“Feeling any better Eren?” Levi questioned, eyebrows high while he bounced the crop in his hand, the delicate sound of it slapping against his skin made Eren’s skin crawl in a pleasant way. 

“You bastard, is that a joke?” The older man’s face remained neutral and Eren held his breath just waiting for the third strike. 

“Oi, turn over completely.” He obeyed without question; the riding crop hurt but there was something in Levi’s eyes that made Eren want to do anything and everything for the man. “Lift your ass up higher.” Eren was bent over on the bed, feet dangling off the edge along with the costume, his face shoved into the duvet. Levi didn’t even hesitate and brought the whip down onto Eren’s behind in a smooth, effortless swing. Biting his lips didn’t stop the groan and Eren knew he was flushed and blushing because this whole situation was like one of his silly jerkoff fantasies. He sent a quick prayer to whoever was listening to please not have anyone else walk into the bedroom right now. 

“I think you’ve learnt your lesson.” Levi patted Eren’s bum once, causing another wave of pain, before he began to make his way over to the bedroom door. He was going to leave Eren like that, like what had just happened was no big deal, like it was just friends messing around, like the boners they were both sporting were nothing out of the ordinary. Before he could get away with it Eren was rolling off of the bed and charging towards his neighbor, but only managing one step before he was falling over the costume that was bundled around his feet. Not allowing that to stop him he pulled himself up almost immediately and lifted the costume up to his waist so he could walk forward without ending up on the floor again. 

“Levi wait.” To Eren’s surprise the older man paused by the door and actually waited. “I forgot to give you my second present.” Eren was practically overflowing with confidence now, probably due to the alcohol in his system. 

“Oh really? What is it?” If he delayed any longer he would collapse from desperation and so Eren bent his body over Levi’s while his right hand nudged at the older man’s chin, lifting his face upwards so Eren could plant a kiss directly onto his lips. For a moment the two just stood there, attached at the mouths, both as still as stone and after a while Eren could feel Levi breathing calmly through his nose, so he wrapped his arms around the shorter man and engulfed him entirely. A part of him couldn’t help but wonder why he was doing this now right after being whipped three times, it was kind of like his stinging skin had triggered something inside of him. The music was still really loud but Eren blocked it all out, imaging he was standing in the middle of a field of snow where there was no sound, nothing but him and his arms around the strangest man he had ever met. 

“Eren? Eren? Someone threw up in a plant pot!” There was shouting from the other side of the door and the moment melted away and the next thing Eren could feel was nothing on his lips and two hands pushing on his chest, pushing him backwards. Levi cleared his throat, opened the door and ducked out of the room, nearly walking straight into Armin in the process. Thankfully Armin seemed to be unaware of the tension in the air, or maybe he was ignoring it for Eren’s sake, and instead strolled in to shake at his friend’s shoulders. “There’s vomit on the plant, we need to clean it up!” He looked distraught, like a plant covered in vomit was the worst possible thing to ever happen. 

“Whoa, wait. Who the fuck threw up?” Eren asked, rubbing at his face but consciously not touching his lips. There was no way he was going to wipe away the little bit of Levi he had managed to capture on his skin.

“No idea, maybe Jean? It doesn’t matter though, let’s just sort it out.” With a sigh Eren nodded in agreement and followed his friend to the victimized plant, back in the living room. The party was still going strong, there were people dancing on the sofa and the strobe lights were flashing even faster than they had been earlier on. The two boys had to shove their way through people and while doing so Eren noticed Levi in the corner of the room talking to Hange. “Here it is.” Armin pointed at a plant that was indeed covered in throw up and Eren cringed as he took it all in. There were chunks sitting on the leaves and the whole thing was a revolting, dripping mess that he really, really didn't want to deal with right now, even if he had promised Levi he would clean up anything that happened during the party.

“Jesus Christ.” Eren rubbed at his eyes some more, maybe he could make himself temporarily blind and then he wouldn’t be able to do anything except hear the music.

“Yeah it’s really gross.”

“Sure is.”

“It’s a really pretty Dracaena too, which makes it even more of a shame.” Armin sighed, shaking his head.

“It’s a what?”

“A Dracaena. A Dracaena Massangeana to be exact.” 

“What the fuck is that?”

“A type of flowering plant, native in Africa I think.” Eren turned to look at his friend in disbelief. 

“Why the fuck do you know that?”

“I don’t know, because it’s interesting?” Armin actually looked offended and was now glaring at Eren like he had just insulted him. Eren closed his mouth and wondered why he thought Levi was so strange when his friends were almost just as weird. Everyone had interests, sure, but Armin was the type to never mention his and then one day just amaze you with what he knew about seemingly random subjects. “I have some kitchen towels here by the way.” Armin was picking them up from beside the plant and the next few minutes were spent wiping away any evidence that something so gross had happened. The plant soon looked as good as new although Eren still refused to touch it with his bare hands. 

“Poor guy didn’t deserve that.” Armin frowned, observing the plant with a face full of pity. Eren watched him for a moment before deciding he needed a drink. 

Two hours later the party was starting to settle into something similar to a sweaty slumber party and people were either lying on the floor or crowding in the kitchen, preparing all sorts of snacks like ketchup on cereal and apple slices on toast. Eren had long ago given up trying to keep control of everything and instead opted to join Petra in a slow dance to a Lana Del Rey song he somehow new every word to. Petra was guiding him through some steps while Mikasa kept a very close eye on them from the side of the room. The party went on for another hour or so until the early hours of the morning, when people started to take leave, singing their praises about the night loudly so that even the people living on the next floor down were even more aware it had been a crazy night. By the time the flat emptied out to just Levi and Eren, the two were so exhausted and drained they collapsed and crashed on either side of the sofa. 

\---

Hangovers weren’t a new thing to Eren at all but it had definitely been awhile since he’d experienced one this strong. He awoke to feeling like someone had beaten him around the head with a saucepan several times and the position he had slept in on the sofa now caused his bones to ache each time he moved. Despite his sore joints Eren was pretty fucking happy because as soon as he had blinked open his eyes he had been met with the outstanding view of a slumbering Levi. Eren remained on the sofa for about 20 minutes just absentmindedly stroking his thigh, watching Levi’s sleeping face, studying each and every detail. Some details from the night before replayed in his mind although most of it was hazy, he could remember kissing Levi reasonably well and he could also remember the moment Levi had pushed him away. He watched Levi’s lips move, part slightly every so often, tried to remember how they felt, tried to imagine his own lips onto of them and then Levi was mumbling something, breaking the silence. 

“Good boy… good… now sit.”

“Levi?” Eren whispered, knowing full well it was of no use and his neighbor was fast asleep, far away lost in dreamland. Looking down into his lap he noticed he was still in costume and the back had been zipped up, which explained why he hadn’t woken up cold. “Levi?” He spoke louder this time, extending his arm so he could gently push at Levi’s shoulder and hopefully nudge him out of his dreams. It was a success and soon Levi was rubbing at his eyes, further smudging the black eyeliner he was wearing, making him look like a panda instead of a cat. Eren couldn’t stop the fondness brewing up inside of him from overflowing out of his mouth. “Morning sunshine.” The sun wasn’t actually out; in fact Eren could hear the delicate sound of rain upon a window. Levi groaned in response as he struggled to tame his adorable bedhead into its usual style. “Or should I say afternoon sunshine instead?”

“How about you don’t say anything at all?” Levi’s voice was slow and rough from sleep and Eren decided against answering back, instead he fixed his mouth shut and waited until Levi spoke again. “Fuck. What time is it?” And instead of responding with “It’s half three” Eren shrugged and pulled his lips inwards into his mouth to emphasis the fact that he was no longer speaking. “Alright fine, don’t ever talk again.” Once again Eren shrugged, trying his hardest to appear like it was easy-peasy and no problem whatsoever but the concentrated glare he received from Levi was beginning to make him crumble, he wanted to shout something out so bad, mainly the older man’s name. Just like that, as if he could sense it or read his thoughts, Levi smirked and decided to start crawling on his hands and knees towards Eren like an actual cat. The sofa cushions dipped under his palms and it wasn’t long until Eren’s personal space had been invaded completely and now he was staring directly into Levi’s eyes while wondering how long it would be until their noses brushed together. The answer was five seconds and he could feel Levi’s warm breath on his lips, producing a new question that went something like how long until he’s going to kiss me? “Eren?” Levi whispered into his mouth. “Do you want me to kiss you Eren?” The desire to shout the word ‘yes’ over and over again until he lost his voice was so strong he was starting to get a bit lightheaded. He nodded his head three times, wide eyes dancing over Levi’s face, trying to figure out if this was just a wind up or a possible make-out session. “I can’t hear you Eren, you’re going to have to speak up.” Although he was desperate to just give in and let the words tumble from his mouth, he was also extremely determined and strong-minded and totally confident he could win this, whatever this was. Eren had always been that way, ever since he was a young boy he would stick to what he said, stick to his decisions even if it ended up with him getting into trouble. “Is that a no?” Levi turned his face away and frowned. “Guess I’ll find someone else to kiss instead then.” Eren had always been determined but he’d always been possessive too. 

“Don’t you dare.” 

“Oh, look who can talk again.”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes I want you to kiss me.” Levi sighed, rolling his eyes as if Eren was the most annoying thing to ever exist, but he still turned back around so their faces were once again centimeters apart and Eren could resume his count of eyelashes. 

“That’s nice.” Levi spoke slowly and a slight smile played on his lips, Eren wanted to lick it all up and swallow it all down. 

“Levi.”

“What?”

“You make a really cute cat.” Eren stated and just like in his dreams, Levi’s cheeks gradually reddened forming a small blush.

“And you make a… good dog.” 

“Thanks.”

“You even smell like one, bravo.” Eren laughed and Levi looked pleased with himself for just a second.

“You sure you don’t just like me in a collar?” Eren lifted up an eyebrow as he tugged on the leather collar around his neck, for most of the party it had been hidden under the costume but Eren had kept it on the whole time because Levi had included it and he would probably do absolutely anything for that man. Without warning Levi was moving closer and sliding his mouth onto Eren’s, fixing their lips together and because Eren already had his mouth open their tongues were quickly moving against one another. They didn’t care about the hangover taste; they only cared about how much they could lick each other from the inside. When they pulled away minutes later to catch their breath Eren pressed his forehead against Levi’s and listened to the panting, eyes closed. He inhaled Levi’s exhales as if he were swallowing parts of him and claiming them, burying them deep inside his body, inside his lungs and his blood and his bones. Levi was a feast, his breath erratic and shaky, coming out in gasps and Eren consumed it all. 

Once they could both breathe again and after they had stared at each other’s faces for an almost ridiculous amount of time, Levi was pulling himself away and tugging at his costume in aggravation. Eren’s head flooded with all kinds of ideas but they were all shot down the moment the man spoke.

“This fucking costume is giving me such a wedgie. I’m going to put some jogging bottoms on instead, wait here.” The sofa felt impossibly cold once Eren was sitting on it alone and he couldn’t help imagine Levi peeling off the latex suit in the other room. Now that he was by himself he could focus on his throbbing headache even more, he could focus on his dry mouth and lips and the way his skin felt like it hadn’t been washed in days. It was all too much so he called out to Levi from the living room, explaining how he was going to shower and change in his own flat real quick before coming back. He wanted to feel somewhat like his usual self again.

Once back in his own flat he cautiously avoided each and every mirror, telling himself not to check his appearance until he was out of the shower because it would only make him feel bad. Usually Eren would let the water warm before stepping into the shower but his thoughts were pretty foggy and so he ambled under the cold water, only to squeal like a guinea pig as his skin covered in goose bumps. After a moment it actually felt rather refreshing and even though he was shivering he managed to scrub himself down, carefully brushing over the areas that had been whipped. As he did so he found himself questioning what his relationship with Levi now was, they had kissed twice, surely that meant something, not to mention Levi had whipped him three times and they had both undoubtedly enjoyed that. But they were still acting reasonably normal around each other, they didn’t hold hands or cuddle or do any typical things couples do, they hadn’t even voiced the fact that they liked each other, even after the snog on the sofa Levi had almost dismissed what had happened, he’d even left the room. Maybe it was too early to start worrying; maybe this was how adults went about these things and he should just go with the flow. The water was warm now and Eren was close to nodding off, despite standing up in a shower, so he switched the water off and dragged himself into the cold air to desperately try and locate a clean towel. Once he was dressed and had finished a banana he made his way across the hall back to Levi, to find the man already cleaning whilst listening to the radio. He was wearing jogging bottoms paired with a plain white shirt and a dark green hoodie that Eren distinctively recognised.

“Where’d you get that hoodie?”

“Found it. Hurry up and help me with this.” Levi hadn’t even looked up when Eren had entered or spoken, he was frantically wiping down the coffee table that for some reason was covered in ketchup. “This mess is making me want to jump out of the window.” 

“Please don’t.” Eren snuck around the other side of the table and picked up a spare cloth to help Levi, sneaking glances to watch the older man as he nibbled at his bottom lip in concentration. The bucket of warm water was soon a muddy brown colour and so Eren offered to change it, picking it up and taking it into the kitchen. The ‘Roberts’ radio was placed upon one of the marble counters, it was identical to the one Eren’s grandmother had and was currently playing a song by David Bowie that Jean used to listen to a lot. The song was finishing however and as Eren emptied out the bucket, grimacing at the filthy liquid, the radio presenters voice filled the room. 

“That was David Bowie with Starman and before that The Mamas & The Papas with California Dreamin’. Hello if you’ve just joined us, we're about to discuss the apparent sightings of a new Bigfoot, who has been given the name Ratking. Apparently a number of people have seen the half-human half-rat creature walking around in the woods, and in some cases in the back gardens of homes close by. We’re encouraging anyone who might have caught a glimpse of Ratking to phone in and share his or her experience with the creature, hopefully we can shed some light on the whole thing and try and solve a bit of the mystery. Before that though, here’s a bit of Kate Bush with Cloudbursting.” 

Without realizing it Eren had frozen in place to listen to the announcer and the bucket was now filled with clean, warm water that Levi was patiently waiting for in the other room. He turned around very slowly, to prevent any spillage because the bucket was so full, only to find Levi grasping at the doorframe, eyes wide and intense. Eren froze once again.

“Levi?” Eren asked softly, afraid he might spook the man with any loud noises, even though Kate Bush was blasting on the radio. 

“You heard that, right?” Levi asked, he looked as if he were slightly shaking, vibrating almost.

“What? About the Ratking thing?”

“Jesus Christ I’ve waited so long.”

“What?”

“It’s finally happening.” Eren scrunched his whole face up in confusion and waited for Levi to clarify what the hell he was on about but instead the man just vanished from the kitchen doorway, running towards his bedroom. Something weird was about to happen; Eren could just sense it. He carried the bucket into the living room, placed it down and continued to scrub all the surfaces in the room. There were loud noises coming from the bedroom, possibly things falling or being moved around, Eren couldn’t quite make it out over the music playing on the radio, either way Levi was very busy doing something strange. Eren’s headache had almost disappeared completely now, there was just a slight throbbing at the front of his brain that remained but overall his hangover had actually been fairly manageable. Allowing himself a moment to relax on the sofa he sang along to the Gorillaz song that was playing, creating a list in his head of all the things in the room he would need to clean and in what order. Suddenly the music was turned down and Levi appeared by the sofa wearing a black pullover hoodie, dark green cargo trousers and leather hiking boots and Eren just thought he looked like an adorable little explorer. Before he could comment Levi was pulling him up and shoving him towards the front door, breaking Eren’s heart little by little with each push, that was until Levi explained what he was doing. 

“You need to get changed as well, you have some boots right? And some trousers like mine? Put them on and find a warm jumper too.” Levi succeeded in pushing Eren the entire way back to his flat and even into his bedroom, where he continued to instruct Eren on what to wear. For some reason, deep in his closet, Eren had a pair of beige cargo trousers that he was immediately told to slip into before he then found a pair of boots he hadn’t worn in over a year. 

“They probably won’t fit.” Eren sighed, inspecting them in his hands. 

“Try them on anyway.” They just about fitted and Levi was nodding his head in a pleased way, like his whole plan was coming together flawlessly. 

“What are you doing Levi?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why the hell are we wearing these clothes?” Eren pointed to his trousers and Levi just winked before pulling out a dark purple hoodie from the closet and throwing it into Eren’s face. 

“Put this on.” When Eren remained still, staring ahead at the man impatiently tapping his feet, Levi sighed and flicked the younger man’s forehead. “Hurry up.”

Once Eren had pulled it over his head Levi was dragging him back to his own apartment again, explaining he was going to have a really quick five-minute shower because he smelt like a ‘pig’s arse’ and once he was out he would explain everything.  
Five minutes actually meant eight, Eren was certain of this because he bitterly timed the whole thing on his phone, and while he waited he tried to find the explanation to what was currently going on. Obviously it had something to do with the Ratking, but what the hell would Levi know about a half-man, half-rat wondering around the local woods? It was probably just the result of some bored residents, making up a bizarre story to bring some excitement to, what was so far, an eventless month. What the hell was a Ratking anyway? And how come it was a king? Why wasn’t it just called Ratman or Ratguy? Does it wear a crown? 

“Wakey wakey Eren.” Levi was back and fully dressed, hair still wet and dripping.

“I wasn’t even sleeping!”

“First thing’s first, have you ever been camping?”

“Yes many times, why-“

“And you’re not afraid of the dark?”

“No not really…”

“And you’re up for a night of hunting?”

“Hunting?”

“Yes.” Levi placed his hands on his hips and straightened his back, standing proudly, like a leader of people. “Eren, you and I are going to hunt down Ratking.” He nodded once and waited for Eren to react. After a moment of pure, unmoved silence Eren breathed. 

“Why…”

“Because! We’ll be heroes!” Levi was frowning at him now and looked putdown, like he’d expected Eren to jump around with joy and was greatly disappointed. 

“But we don’t even know if Ratking is a real thing? It could just be a crazy guy in a ratsuit?” 

“True.” Levi shrugged and then said nothing. 

“So…”

“Come on, stand up!” Without a moment’s hesitation Eren jumped up because for some reason he obeyed Levi, maybe he was his leader in a previous life and that part of him would never die. “Everything is prepared. The two-man tent is packed along with the essential camping gear. The food is packed and the camera is fully charged. Oh and by the way, do you have work tomorrow?”

“No…”

“Good.”

“Okay, so now what?” Eren asked as Levi pushed a heavy rucksack into his hands.

“Now.” Levi picked one up himself, lifting the straps over his shoulders only to nearly tumble backwards because of the uneven weight ratio. “Now, you drive us to Deepwood Forest.” 

 

Now, see the thing with Deepwood Forest was that it was a very popular place for couples and people who enjoyed watching couples. In other words, it was infamous for dogging. There was a small field hidden behind some trees that the doggers would drive to, via some sort of secret entrance only they knew about, and this was where they would then proceed to get down and dirty. Eren knew this, practically the whole town knew this, but Levi did not, having only recently moved and also due to the fact no one had yet informed him. About four years ago Armin and Eren had grown curious, more so Eren; Armin was just bored, and the two had snuck into the woods late at light to witness some of the dogging itself, just for a laugh. There's a very special feeling that exists when you find your old history teacher screwing you old English teacher in a back of a car, and that feeling is similar to when you're throwing up into your own eyes. It's not very funny at all and Eren wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Since that unspeakable experience he'd stayed away from Deadwood Forest during the night, only entering the place when it was broad daylight and only when he absolutely had to. The place just gave him the creeps. 

"Stop at the supermarket on the way." Levi instructed as he pulled the seatbelt over his body in the passenger seat and looked down at the mess around his feet. At least there weren't bits of old food lying around, it was mostly just magazines, CDs, random chords, bits of paper, chewing gum wrappers and for some reason an inflated balloon. It could be a lot worse, Eren thought as he watched Levi shake his head in disgust. Thankfully Levi decided against actually voicing his opinion on the shameful mess and instead sat in a sort of uneasy silence, just waiting for Eren to start the car. 

Eren had yet to tell Levi about the perverts in the woods, in fact he had the slight inkling that if he did Levi would just find it funny, entertaining even, and demand they go even more, so that he could see it for himself. They'd dumped the heavy bags in the backseats and now Eren was turning the car on, pulling it out of the car park and into the road. Thankfully, the light rain from earlier had long stopped and now it was almost dry out. It had just gone six in the evening and the blue and pink sky was still light but Eren could tell it would transcend into darkness swiftly, and then the two would be lost in the dark woods trying to find a giant rat dude while people performed uncomfortable sex around the corner. It was surreal to think this morning he'd been partying with a bunch of animals, how could one day do such a turn around?

Eren had been driving for about three minutes, listening to Levi drum his fingers onto the surface of the window and now he was pulling up outside the local supermarket and watching the man roll out of his seat and out of the car mumbling something about five minutes and ketchup. In the following moment of stillness and calm Eren decided to send a text to Armin and Mikasa letting them into what was currently going on in his life. He'd briefly spoken to them both earlier, mostly about the party and their following hangovers, but now Eren wanted to ask them about more important things. 

Eren to Armin: yo guess where I'm heading

Eren to Mikasa: what do you know about the ratking??? 

Armin to Eren: Let me guess, you and Levi have decided to run away together?

Mikasa to Eren: what why 

Eren to Armin: nah I wish, we're going to deepwoods instead

Eren to Mikasa: just wondering if you'd heard anything about it?

Armin to Eren: you're gonna go dogging with him? Jesus Christ Eren

Mikasa to Eren: I just know it's a man that looks like a rat, not much else. Eren don't do anything stupid

Eren to Armin: no!! Levi decided were gonna try to find that ratking dude

Eren to Mikasa: ok mum 

Armin to Eren: use protection

Before Eren could type back a reply the passenger door was pulled open and Levi was sliding back into the car, placing the two plastic bags at his feet, on top of the mess, and running a hand through his hair. Eren sat back and watched the whole thing and couldn't help but marvel at how the older mans hair would fall back into place perfectly with the exception of one stray piece that stuck out slightly at the back. Levi hunched over and looked inside the bags, double checking all of the items. 

"Got everything?" Eren asked and as soon as Levi had started to nod he was pulling out of the parking space and reversing back onto the road. 

The moment Eren had parked the car in Deepwood's car park he'd turned to Levi and asked, "Are we actually doing this?" Unsurprisingly Levi had responded by flicking him on the forehead and calling him an idiot. Which meant yes we are doing this and don't ask any more pointless questions. After hoisting the rucksacks onto their poor backs and after Levi had given Eren a plastic bag full of bottles of ketchup, they walked through the empty car park and into the opening of the forest. The sky was much darker now but their surroundings were still visible, it wasn’t time to whip out the flashlights just yet. It had been a while but Eren could still remember that at some point the path split into two, one leading deeper into the forest, the other leading to the small open field that still plagued his dreams. He could remember the two paths he just couldn't remember which was which. Levi had been leading the way so far and he walked pretty fast, even with a packed tent on his back, Eren couldn't believe he was finding it a task to keep up when he was the one with longer legs. Levi stopped suddenly and turned around to look back at Eren, eyebrows raised in question. Eren looked past him and found that they'd already reached the split in the path and obviously Levi was looking for some advice on which way to go. "Errr...." Eren bit his lip and closed his eyes, trying to remember the time he had ventured here with Armin all those years ago, tried to remember which path they had taken to reach the field and therefore which path to avoid. Unfortunately it was no use and because all of the trees and all of the bushes looked exactly the same on each side and there were no indications on what lay ahead, he decided to just take a risk and go with his gut. It was a 50/50 chance and maybe, just maybe, he'd get lucky. "Let's go left." Levi looked apprehensive but turned back around to continue down the left path without a word. 

Two minutes or so later Eren considered that maybe he really had got lucky because so far there had been no sign of a field and the two men had continued to walk over leaves and twigs, continued to dodge branches and the cobwebs that hung down from them. They were still following the path, which had grown wider, allowing Eren to speed up and walk beside Levi rather than behind him. 

"So what's your plan?"

"Hmm?" Levi seemed pretty distracted, like his thoughts were in another world completely. 

"How are we gonna catch ratking?" Eren asked, tugging on the straps of the rucksack.

"I have a few ideas." 

"Care to explain?" Of course Eren was curious, especially since he was carrying a bag filled with ketchup. 

"Nah. Just wait and see." Ahead was a low tree branch blocking the way and after Levi had pushed away the leaves to create an opening they were stumbling out onto grass and into open air. Eren was groaning and cursing the moment he realised. 

"Oh fuck." 

"What's this?" Levi squinted his eyes straight ahead and studied the three cars that were parked on the opposite side of the small field. Of course Eren hadn't actually had any good luck and of course they would end up here, and now Levi was asking him to explain and there was no way Eren could lie and pretend it was something it isn't. They both stood still for a minute, staring ahead, and Eren wondered if maybe Levi knew exactly what this was, he was a full grown adult, older than Eren, surely he could work it out. “Oh my.” Yeah, he knew. Eren turned to Levi and was about to grab his arm and drag him backwards into the forest but Levi was a quick guy and he’d already dropped the rucksack and the bag onto the floor and making his way towards the cars. 

“Levi! Stop! What the fuck are you doing?” Eren watched in disbelief as Levi broke into a jog, already a good couple of metres away, leaving him behind. This was exactly like that night four years ago except Levi was now doing what Eren had done and Eren was doing what Armin had done. Poor Armin, Eren took a mental note to apologize to him at some later point. Although he really didn't want to see what was inside those cars (what if his old history and English teachers were still going at it?) he really wanted to follow Levi anywhere he went, so Eren allowed the rucksack to fall from his shoulders and the plastic bag to drop to the floor before sprinting after his neighbor who wasn’t too far from the cars. 

Truthfully, it was nice to feel the wind in his hair and the smell of the grass and the fresh air was clearing his mind the quicker he breathed it in. Now that his body was free of any bags or extra weight he felt like he could run and take off, fly up over the trees and float around in the dark blue sky, waiting to catch the first glimpse of the moon and the stars. 

Levi reached the cars before he did and Eren increased his speed until his legs were burning because he wanted to see as much of Levi’s reaction as he could. Two of the cars were dark inside whilst one of them had one small light on inside and this was the car Levi strolled right on over to. Eren was just a few steps away and he watched as Levi tapped onto the window three times and waved. 

“Howdy friends.” Levi was putting on an awful fake Texas accent and Eren was laughing before he’d even stopped running. “Mind if I watch?” There was a mumble from inside the car, probably someone telling him to fuck off but Levi was clearly having too much fun and just tapped onto the window again, clearing his throat. Eren ambled up to stand beside him and he tried his very best to not look inside of the car, to keep his eyes away from the window, but curiosity got the best of him as per usual. Thankfully the two people inside the car didn't look like anyone he knew; in fact he could hardly make out their faces but he definitely saw a bum at one point and also someone’s foot. “Boy, you two sure like each other.” Levi had now switched to a Brooklyn accent, which was better than his Texas accent but overall still hilariously bad. Eren couldn’t stop sniggering because the two people were probably so confused, so angry and so naked right now and the whole situation was ridiculous. Allowing himself a sneaky glance back at the window he found he could see someone’s back of the head, someone with short blond hair and possibly an undercut. The person turned around and for a moment their face was visible although all Eren caught sight of were two thick, dark eyebrows and a strong jawline. Still, he didn’t recognise the man; which was a massive relief, the less he knew about the perverts in the cars the better. The next moment the man’s face was gone and Eren had expected Levi to shout something out but instead the man had grown quiet and was standing very, very still, as if seeing the man’s face had frozen him to the ground, frozen his throat along with his tongue.

“Levi?” 

“No, shh.” Levi hissed, eyes wide and unblinking as he began to back away from the car window and slowly retreat from the scene altogether. This was weird, Eren thought, but at least he wasn’t actually frozen. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Just stop talking.”

“Or what?” 

“Or I’ll kick your ass so hard you’ll be flossing with my shoe laces.” Levi turned away and began to run back to where they had both dropped off their rucksacks, once again leaving Eren to stand in a haze of confusion and bewilderment. There was a deep moan from one of the cars, which was closely followed by another deep moan and Eren’s whole body shuddered in repulsion. Gross.

Once he had raced back to join Levi again Eren studied his face to try to figure out what had happened and was surprised to see the older man looking as if he had just seen a ghost having sex with another ghost, or something equally as unbelievable and astounding. Levi was glaring at the grass in front of him while anxiously biting his bottom lip and Eren considered that maybe he had just seen something extra gross back in the car, maybe a really weird, mind-blowing sex position or maybe he had-

“Holy shit.” It was so obvious now, of course Levi had recognised the guy and was now freaking out, exactly like Armin and himself had four years earlier. “Levi, who was that?”

“No one.” Clearly a lie, he’d answered so quickly and hadn’t even lifted his eyes to glance at Eren’s face, instead he had turned away as if he were trying to hide his expression. 

“Come on Levi, I know that look. Who was that guy?” Eren placed a hand onto Levi’s shoulder and immediately felt stupid but refused to move it nonetheless. Levi sighed and transferred his weight from one foot to the other before sighing again, this time in defeat. 

“Someone I work with.” 

“Oh. Fuck.”

“Yeah, in actuality he’s my boss.” Levi looked up at Eren and into his eyes for the first time in long time and Eren tried really hard to remain cool and casual under his stare but he felt like an alien in the middle of a shopping mall. 

“Oh, well, that… sucks.”

“So does he, apparently.” 

“Oh.” Eren flushed and fiddled with the hem of his shirt with his free hand. Seeing his old teachers all those years ago had been bad but at least he hadn’t had to face them that following week. Levi would go back to work and look into his boss’s eyes knowing all about his unusual weekend activities and he’d have to act indifferent and totally, utterly normal.

“Eren?” Levi was still staring into his eyes and Eren was still holding onto Levi’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Would you ever go dogging?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what a 'Ratking' is, i literally just made it up and then found out there's a folklore about rats or something and well, that has nothing to do with this fic but it's pretty cool so maybe look it up
> 
> also i don't know much about dogging so like, if you're reading this and you're a dogging expert and i got something wrong(?) please have mercy, thanks
> 
> also lmao @ 'deepwood forest', i spent ages trying to think of dirty names for the forest and that came to mind and it was just so fucking stupid but so perfect so yeah... deepwood forest it is.


End file.
